“When you criticise them, they cry.” Such sexist bullshit…or is it?

Posted: July 8, 2015 in Uncategorized

I realised when I published the last blog entry that, for the second time this year, I went an entire month without posting anything. June completely passed me by, much like January did earlier in the year. I struggled to explain why, couldn’t quite get to an answer, I love writing this blog so how could I have possibly gone a month without writing anything at all? It was a conversation with a friend that revealed the answer – I burn out quite quickly.

It’s pretty much the perfect explanation. It also explains why I felt the need to take that break at the end of last year. What I’ve come to realise is that burning out is perfectly natural and not something to worry about. So I’ve not published anything for an entire month, big deal. All it does mean is that I can stay refreshed and driven to keep this blog going. So, apologies to those people, all 4 of you, who are left hanging when I don’t publish anything for a month, just know that I am still around. I don’t plan on going anywhere for a very, very long time.

Anyway, on to business. I consider it rather ironic that my last blog entry was concerning stereotypes and how TV often panders to them rather than doing a great deal to combat them and this blog entry deals with real people who actually embody existing stereotypes. Yeah, there’s a slight difference because the previous blog was about men and this one’s about women, but the point still stands.

Recently, a rather famous scientist called Tim Hunt was forced to resign over ‘sexist comments’ he made to a science conference in Seoul. He was speaking of women in science and happened to utter the line ‘when you criticise them, they cry.’ The internet went into meltdown and he was hounded out of his job, basically being told by the University he worked for “resign or we’ll fire you.”

Well, there are two stories this week that have exploded all over the internet. How do I know if a story’s reached that other level of mainstream appeal? That would be when it appears on both my timelines (if you don’t know by now that John Salmon isn’t my real name then where have you been for the last 2 years?!). Yeah, both of the stories I want to look at have cropped up on my JS timeline and my real timeline. It’s actually quite rare this happens. A lot of the stories I post about generally tend to be limited to my JS timeline so it’s a pretty big deal when a story appears on both.

I’ve written in the past about fat-shaming and how I think it’s all bullshit. I’m fat. I’ve struggled with my weight all my life. 2 years ago I was about 4 stone lighter than I am now. When I was 17 I was the fittest I’ve ever been and was still overweight so I know what it’s like to spend a lifetime not managing to look like the underwear model on the billboard. I came to terms with that a long time ago. I have an unusual body shape and I don’t think I’ll ever have a flat stomach or really good looking pecs. I don’t mind, I’m well aware that, if there is a God, he’s a cunt and likes to fuck with people for no reason. If people make comments about my weight and it upsets me or offends me well, guess whose fault that is? Yeah, it’s mine. If I was truly ok with my body then comments like that wouldn’t bother me at all.

The fact is, blunt and to the point, I despise being fat. Truly despise it. Not only do I constantly have to worry about which clothes might or might not fit (which is especially crushing considering everything did fit only a year or so ago) but it is literally killing me. My joints ache, my digestive system is in tatters, my skin is a mess, my energy levels are fucking pathetic and, worst of all, I have to walk up two flights of stairs to get to my apartment. I hate it and I’m well aware that the power to do anything about it rests solely with me and nobody else. If anyone upsets me with comments it’s because I, and only I, have given them that power.

So, what stories are hitting the news this week that have made me talk about my own weight issues and bring up Tim Hunt? These spectacular pieces of victimhood and patheticness:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tinder-date-woman-finds-novel-6010597

http://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/08/living/old-navy-fat-shaming-feat/index.html

Tim Hunt said ‘when you criticise they, they cry’. Now, aside from the fact that most of the internet started crying over what he said, the two stories linked above have women literally crying because people criticised them. Yeah, just how pathetic. A man loses his job for making a comment about women and not two weeks later two news stories blow up that prove his point! Is there a word for that?

I’m going to focus on the first article for most of this blog, mainly because it’s the one receiving the lesser attention of the two. I will still have a look at the second story as I believe that has a much bigger sense of narcissistic victimhood about it but it seems to be gaining just as many critical comments as positive so it’s not as much of a focus for me.

Now, I’m not sure if I’ve spoken about Tinder before but it seems to be an app that generates controversy every other week. I have an account but I couldn’t tell you the last time I got a match or anything.

Having said that, it seems to work for some people so there we are.

So, the first story deals with a woman who went out on a date with a man she met on Tinder. First of all I have to just highlight the headline as it is just too good to pass up.

It states:

Tinder date woman finds novel way to hit back at man who told her she was too fat to fancy

It’s funny that she comes up with a ‘novel way’ to hit back, particularly as the first sentence of the articles tells us her initial reaction wasn’t especially dignified:

A woman was left in floods of tears after a man she met on Tinder told her she was too fat to fancy.

*cough*when you criticise them, they cry.*cough* So, the first thing this woman does when she gets criticised is to break down in ‘floods of tears’? Ok, I get that this might simply be an immediate plea for sympathy but, come on, she’s a fucking grown woman and she’s in ‘floods of tears’ because a nasty man said something that hurt her fee fees? Damn, modern women what have you become?!

Fair enough, he said something nasty and it upset her, I get it, he’s a cunt and, presumably, is just another example of a man not knowing how to treat women right. I’ve written in the past about women’s reactions when men don’t like their bodies so it’s not like this is something new, but maybe he was a little too harsh in criticising her?

After telling us just how distraught this woman was, we then get this rather futile attempt at empowerment or some shit:

But instead of letting this mortifying experience destroy her self esteem, Michelle Thomas has used it to teach others about the right way to treat women.

‘Instead of letting this mortifying experience destroy her self esteem’? this is presumably once she’s managed to avoid drowning in the ‘flood of tears’ she was left in? I think your self esteemhas already been destroyed!

The right way to treat women? Could that possibly be ‘don’t fucking say anything critical or they’ll start bawling their fucking eyes out’?

So she finds a man on Tinder and spends some time chatting to him before going out for a meal. It’s funny, she claims she was left in floods of tears and vowed not to let her self esteem be ruined, but have a look at what she thought about this man before he said what he said:

She did not find him particularly attractive and she was not too bothered about whether she saw him again.

If you listen closely that’s the sound of every little piece of my sympathy drying up quicker than a Californian river!

So, she bitches and moans on the internet that someone said she was ‘too fat to fancy’ but she’d already judged him as unattractive before that happened. Big fucking deal, you both found each other unattractive, the only difference being, presumably, he had the balls to actually be honest with you about why he didn’t want a second date. He didn’t sugar coat it, he was honest and upfront. Either way he can’t win, he tells you honestly why a second date wouldn’t work and he gets shamed yet if he had made up some bullshit excuse you would have gone crying to your mates being all ‘Oh em gee why can’t men just be honest?’ I’ve never even met you and I already don’t like your pathetic sense of victimhood.

The next bit of the article is quite long so I won’t reproduce it in full here but it simply deals with the message he sent her explaining why a future together wasn’t in the cards.

I find it funny, and incredibly infuriating, that this article, and the woman herself, focus on the one negative aspect that he lists as a reason for not wanting to develop a relationship with her. In order to accentuate the victimhood the title of the article and most of the paragraphs leading up to this point only seem to focus on the utter heartbreak this woman was put through, yet completely omit the praise he absolutely lauds on her. He sends her a letter outlining his feelings after that first date. They completely ignore the compliments he pays her whilst being unsure over her body:

I’m not going to bull***t you… I f***ing adore you Michelle and I think you’re the prettiest looking girl I’ve ever met.

“So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God…I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure.

“I’m so disappointed in myself Michelle because I’ve genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I’m trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total k***head.

“We could be amazing friends, we could flirt and joke and adore each other and…. f*** me… I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl because what you have in that mind of yours is utterly unique, and I really really love it.”

Essentially, what this boils down to is a grown women throwing a tantrum worthy of a 5 year old because a man said he didn’t like her body and wouldn’t want to disappoint her when he couldn’t get a boner. I actually quite like this guy, at least he’s being honest and explaining why he doesn’t want to see her. Was he brutally honest? Yeah, but is that necessarily a bad thing?

If we want to, we could approach this from a more sinister angle – he is being shamed because he had the temerity to admit a sexual preference. In this world of body positivity and fat acceptance is it becoming inherently wrong to share a preference for a certain body type?

He didn’t call her fat, he didn’t say she was disgusting, he didn’t say she should lose weight, he simply said he wasn’t on board with her body. Big fucking deal.

The rest of the article is simply an exercise in narcissism. She needs the attention, she needs people to tell her that she is beautiful because, God forbid, a man telling her he doesn’t find her sexually attractive is enough for someone’s life to be ruined. He didn’t like your body sweetheart, woman the fuck up and deal with it.

But no, she embodies the ‘women are emotionally weak’ stereotype to a fucking T. What’s her reaction when she gets rejected? What’s her reaction when she goes through something that men go through all the goddam time? She breaks down in tears! Fuck me, grow a fucking pair.

The fact he sent the message was simply to hurt her, according to her:

“I think the only reason for sending the message is to hurt and to wound somebody.

Or maybe it was because you’re a grown ass fucking woman and he assumed, evidently wrongly, that you’d want to know the honest answer for him not wanting a second date. Yeah, he’s such an arsehole for treating you like an adult. Boo fucking hoo!

I wish that was it, but she keeps piling on the victimhood:

“It’s every woman’s worst nightmare. It’s this deep rooted thought that you have as a teenager and never really goes away that no matter how fun or clever you are, if you are a little bit overweight then nothing else matters to men.

“The message confirmed this dormant fear that I think woman have.

Yeah, maybe it’s the fear that not every man will find you attractive! Is that a nightmare or is it good ol’ narcissism?

Apparently, men having a sexual preference is simply not allowed. If you express a desire for a certain body type then you’re simply furthering the nightmare a woman has to go through. Look, I’m not a woman so I have absolutely no idea what it’s like growing up as one. But, I do know what it’s like to be rejected for the most stupid of reasons. Put on your big girl pants, stop trying to make this about something it’s not and move on with your life.

In order to show just how nasty and mean this horrible man was, she asks another man in her life what his opinion is. With him being a friend, she probably already knew what the answer was before she asked:

“A male friend said ‘no man would say that unless to wound and to cut somebody down’.”

Well, I’m a man and I’m pretty sure he didn’t say it to wound you, he probably said it because he thought honesty was a pretty good quality in a man.

So, having got the answer she wanted from another person, she decided to try and gain more sympathy by making an entire blog entry about it:

After her upset turned to anger, Ms Thomas decided not to suffer in silence and instead posted it on her blog as an example of how not to treat women.

I haven’t read the blog because I don’t want to waste my life being told ‘how not to treat a woman.’ Apparently, ‘with respect and honesty’ must be on that list because it’s definitely something she’s not willing to hear. From this article, the only thing I could possibly learn about how to treat women is that they want you to lie to them and not give them the most basic level of respect to assume they can accept the truth about why a second date wouldn’t happen.

Not content with just shaming him, she now thinks it’s ok to shame him as a parent:

She added she had been motivated to write over fears about the effect the man’s attitude to women might have on his 13-year-old daughter.

I’m going to assume he’s not teaching her to whinge like a fucking child if someone says something bad about her. The more I read this article the less sympathy I have.

I’m not even going to paste the rest of it here because it devolves into basic narcissism and victimhood. It’s all there in the link for you to read. She honestly puts forth the idea that he ‘targets’ her to ‘take her down a peg or two’ simply because she seems happy and confident in her Tinder pictures! She also trolls out the ‘it’s hard to be a woman on the internet’ line. How narcissistic do you have to be? You think a man cares enough about your self-opinion to spend a week talking to you only to arrange a date solely so he can then call you fat in order to dent your self esteem? Fuck off.

It’s bad enough that you decide to create an entire blog post shaming him simply because he has a sexual preference but then you question his parenting skills because he has a 13 year old daughter? You’re a 30 year old woman for fuck’s sake! How about you learn to take criticism and stop trying to force your standards on someone else.

This article smacks of someone trying to ‘empower’ other women to get over the horrible bullying that they go through on the internet. Instead, it comes across as a whinging fucking woman-child complaining because a man had the goddam temerity to not find her sexually attractive. Her response to finding out this devastating piece of information? Yeah, she fucking bursts into tears and then moans about it on the internet. This is all over a man she openly admitted she didn’t find attractive and wouldn’t have gone on a second date with anyway!

Woman the fuck up, put on your big girl pants and get on with it.

“You criticise them, they cry.” Well done for truly embodying that stereotype!

As if that’s not bad enough, we then get an even bigger example of narcissism and victimhood with the second story:

http://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/08/living/old-navy-fat-shaming-feat/index.html

If we look at the headline we get another lovely piece of manufactured outrage:

Plus-size customer stands up to body shaming in Old Navy

Wow, I’ve been to America and I’ve shopped in Old Navy, how terrible that a woman could be fat shamed in such a big store. What cunt of a member of staff told her she was too fat to shop there? What cunt of a member of the public told her she was too fat to shop there?

Er, well, no-one, actually:

Today I was shopping in Old Navy, standing in between a teenage girl and her mom,” Taylor wrote. “The girl picked up a plus-size tank top, showed it to her mom and said, ‘Look! Me and So-and-so can fit in this tank top!’ Her mom laughed and said, ‘Yeah, you could! That thing is huge!’

So…well…I mean…apparently…just…what the actual fuck?! Are there words enough to describe just how misleading that headline is? As if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s a short video underneath (which I haven’t watched) that says her selfie is ‘inspiring’. Yeah, inspiring to those who study ‘victimhood 101’ classes.

You see, my problem with this ‘fat shaming’ is that no fucking fat shaming happened! A daughter makes a comment to her mum that has absolutely nothing to do with Rachel Taylor and it’s suddenly an example of fat shaming?

A girl picks up a plus-size top, a top that, by its very nature, is going to big, and states that she and her friend could fit in it and suddenly this woman sees it as an attack on her body? Fuck, I can’t decide if that’s a bigger example of narcissism or victimhood.

I have t-shirts that are XXXL, my best mate wears XS shirts. You’re goddam right two of him could fit in one of my t-shirts. My best mate is a skinny cunt and I hate him for it, but it’s a hatred born out of jealousy not a genuine dislike.

What’s her response? Yeah, all too predictable:

“I couldn’t help it; I started crying,” Taylor added.

You couldn’t help it? Is that because you’re a woman and you struggle to keep your emotions in check? Damn, you’re not doing much to help the sisterhood break free of those stereotypes are you? Especially when the comment wasn’t even directed at you. Talk about basic attention-seeking. The mum and her daughter didn’t say ‘only fat fucking pigs can wear this’, they didn’t say ‘omg people who are this big are disgusting’, they didn’t say ‘fat fucks like this should kill themselves’ they simply stated a fact about the size of the shirt.

The fact you ‘couldn’t help’ but burst into tears is all on you, it’s got nothing to do with them and everything to do with your sense of victimhood.

What heart-warming, Hallmark channel message of empowerment does she hope people will take away from this episode?

“Be kind,” the post concludes. “Think about others before you speak. And if someone hurts you, you have to move on.”

Move on? Is that after you’ve whinged your way onto social media and talked about an incident that didn’t even fucking involve you?

Be kind? Or, in other words, ‘please don’t say anything that will make me feel bad about myself because I lack the ability to self-reflect and can’t control my emotions’. Grow the fuck up.

Target even decided to give her a fucking gift card. For what? For crying like an overgrown baby? Good going Old Navy, way to legitimise her narcissism and victim status.

Some people decided not to buy into the bullshit and criticised her for her incessant whinging. Her response was to post another ‘empowering’ post basically saying ‘a picture on the internet is not an invitation to criticise blah blah blah’. Wrong, if you’re going to get wound up over nothing and start crying like a woman-child then you’re damn right I’m going to have an opinion.

I read another article earlier on saying she ‘wants to meet the cruel commenter’ and take them out to dinner or something.

That ‘cruel commenter’ being the mother and daughter who were having a conversation between themselves that this narcissist just couldn’t help but insert herself into in order to play the victim!

“You criticise them, they cry.”

Again, well done for cloaking yourself in a stereotype in order to gain as much attention as possible. Woman the fuck up!

I’m sorry if this blog sounds overly harsh or if my swearing takes way from any salient point I may have. I just find these two stories to be scream-worthy. I just want to put my head back and let rip a guttural roar of frustration. Fat acceptance has long ceased to be about trying to get people to accept their bodies for what they are and has simply become a circle jerk of fat women saying ‘you shouldn’t be allowed to say anything nasty about me because I’m too sensitive to be able to handle it.’

As someone who has struggled with my weight I am sick and tired of reading stories where people are giving other people the power to hurt them and then complaining about it and expecting people to fawn all over them. If you are fat and other people’s words hurt then the power is within you to do something about it. Either you lose the weight or you accept who you are. Either way, the choice is entirely yours.

The most annoying, frustrating and infuriating thing about this is that these two stories have become huge and both involve women literally crying because people have criticised something about them. The response hasn’t been to say ‘well, you’re a fucking grown up, deal with it and move on’ but rather mass outpourings of sympathy and mollycoddling. This merely a couple of weeks after a man was hounded out of his job for suggesting women cry when they are criticised. Well done for proving him right you morons!

So, which is it to be? Are you strong, independent women who want to break down the stereotype of women being emotionally weak? Or, do you want to cry victim and be blanketed in sympathy and virtual hugs every time someone says something you don’t like?

I would hug the fuck out of a woman if she was genuinely upset, I don’t deny that for a minute. But crying over a man you already admitted was unattractive or crying over a comment made that wasn’t derogatory, untrue or even aimed at you is not a genuine reason, it’s overgrown babies grasping for a little bit of sympathy because their poor fee fees were hurt.

I’d like to think women are stronger than that, more capable of taking criticism. The initial reaction to Tim Hunt’s comments seemed to suggest they are. However, maybe that’s not the case after all.

It’s just a shame that the 2 stories here so clearly show that some women are simply too used to being shrouded in cotton wool to truly want to break the stereotype. Until those women learn to woman the fuck up we’ll continue to see stories like this.

“You criticise them, they cry.” Maybe Tim Hunt wasn’t so wrong after all?

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Comments
  1. LJ says:

    You’re not wrong. lol.

    What’s your take on McKinney and Casebolt?

  2. John Rew says:

    I think this woman was especially upset because she thought she had more SMV (Sexual Market Value) than the guy she was on the date with and should have been the one to let him down. Wow that can really squash your pride when that happens. I’ve been in the situation when women have told me I’m not their type or why they don’t find me attractive and that’s just out of the blue unprovoked by me. My inward reaction if they are hot is “pity” or if not “well thank god for that”. I must say more than one has changed her mind later. The trick is to have a self esteem that transcends what individual people think of you. There is nothing more off putting than someone who will turn to a pile of self pity if your not head over heels in love with them. I have put on some weight as I’ve got older and it’s not so much about what other people think of me, although I am aware of the social advantages of a fit body, it’s that I had pride in being fit and healthy and I no longer like the look of my body . I don’t care if the hottest girl in the world was drooling all over me I still wouldn’t like it. I’m afraid I don’t quite get this “everyone’s got to accept me no matter what” stuff and I especially don’t get how anyone can expect to get a healthy self esteem from social media

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