The horror and tragedy of rape; why discussions must be open and frank!

Posted: March 31, 2015 in Uncategorized

Ah, rape. I did a count a few months ago of how many articles on this blog had been about rape or rape culture. At last count it was something like 15. I haven’t written an article about rape in quite a while, despite the fact it still rates highly on the feminist Oppression-ometer. Why? Well, to be completely honest it gets really boring. Not that I don’t think rape is a suitable topic to be talking about, just that constantly talking about the hyperbolic attitude of feminists towards ‘rape culture’ becomes a chore after a while.

I’ve said, numerous times, how horrific I think rape is and how it’s absolutely something we need to talk about, but I’ve also made my frustrations with ‘rape culture’ known. It’s no secret I think rape culture is bullshit, it’s no secret I think feminists are the worst perpetuators of rape culture simply by their re-defining of rape as a crime. When you loosen a definition so much that inconsequential physical contact can somehow be some form of rape, it becomes fairly obvious why people might trivialise it.

Not only that but feminist’s constant refusal to acknowledge the damage false rape accusations have on men is symptomatic of how they view rape as a crime – it’s a woman’s problem.

I despise that aspect of modern feminism, and it’s one that I see so many people buy into. The mythical 1-in-4 statistic (which is, at this point in time, altered to fit whatever agenda is being served), the idea of ‘affirmative consent’, not a bad idea in theory but totally not suitable for politicking and the idea that a woman should be absolved of all responsibility when consuming even a small amount of alcohol just make me angry. What feminism has done in regard to rape has actually damaged women far beyond anything men could do. Now, women are babied, they’re mollycoddled and wrapped in cotton wool, told they are nothing but poor little victims who are incapable of facing the consequences of their actions when drunk. They trivialise real rape victims because they now make us question everything we read, and not in a good way. It is the scummiest, most pathetic aspect of a movement that claims to be about empowering women.

The worst thing about all of this is that Feminism holds the monopoly when it comes to discussions of rape. If you aren’t a feminist and you try to discuss rape then you can just forget it, if you even slightly disagree with the feminist narrative then you are, by default, a misogynistic, rape-apologising, probably-straight-white-male piece of scum. To borrow a symbol from William Golding – Feminism holds the conch and they are not willing to let it go.

So what does this mean? It means that, not only are false statistics and rape hysteria peddled to everyone as fact, but Feminism gets to decide who are and who are not victims. In the feminist-driven narrative on rape, women are perpetual victims, men are perpetual criminals. That discourse has become so prevalent that even trying to say male victims need consideration, or even trying to dispute the 1-in-4 statistic immediately gets you shut down. Even trying to talk about the whole ‘drunken women can’t consent’ thing, even trying to talk about grey areas and personal responsibility will get you hounded and abused. Rape has now become a feminist issue and only feminists are allowed to talk about it.

So what’s the answer? How do we break down this barrier, how do we approach the discussion on rape from a completely neutral viewpoint? The MRM? In a word, no. If the feminist discourse is myopic in its focus on female victims then the MRM is equally as myopic in its focus on males. Both viewpoints have validity, both come from what, I believe, is a good place; a place that means well but, ultimately, still has an agenda.

Let’s get this straight – I am a flawed man. I do not have the answers. I judge, I make snap decisions about things, I am jealous and insecure and prone to saying shit I later regret. I don’t claim to have the answers, I never have done, I only write what I feel, what I genuinely feel, at the time. I can’t do any more than that. If I’m wrong well then that’s just something I’ll deal with but, ultimately, I have a set of beliefs that I stand by and this is why I’m writing this entry.

All of that aside, the one thing that constantly bugs me, that eats away whenever I do write an article about rape, one thing I’ve never admitted and that I’m always hoping someone else doesn’t bring up is rather serious – I trivialise rape.

It’s true, whenever I write about rape or whenever I try to dismiss feminist writings on rape I am doing the very thing I claim to hate. Why? Simply because I don’t admit that rape is a problem, I play it off as an exaggeration, a piece of hyperbole, something that we shouldn’t be worried about. Truth is, rape is a disgusting crime, it’s a crime that people should be punished for, it’s a crime I can’t bear to read about, whether it happens to men or women or children, and one that, quite successfully, I manage to compartmentalise in my brain.

But, the horror of rape is real, the fact is that a lot of rapists don’t get punished for their crime. It is incredibly difficult to prosecute a rapist, again whether that’s a man or a woman, and there is still so much stigma attached to rape victims. The thing is, everyone trivialises rape. Feminists trivialise rape when they perpetuate false statistics to push their victimhood status; the MRM trivialises rape when its main focus is on the shaky statistics of false rape allegations. False rape allegations are a scourge of our time and are a lot more prevalent than Feminism will admit, but rape itself is a scourge of our time and I sometimes feel we lose the focus whilst fighting this pathetic one-upmanship game of ‘who has it worse’.

Caught between a rock and a hard place. Caught in that place between not wanting to throw falsely accused male victims under the bus but also not wanting to deny the tragedy of rapes that actually do happen and do go unpunished.

Why this perspective all of a sudden? Well, this:

A harrowing account of what a real rape victim goes through. Or at least, what a real rape victim shouldn’t go through but sometimes does. The harsh reality of how our society still sees rape victims. I first saw this quite a while ago when a discussion came up about false rape accusations, particularly the slew of accusations against male celebrities here in the UK.

It’s a stark reminder that, yes, false rape allegations exist but that sometimes, and this is worth remembering, sometimes those false rape statistics are simply women, and men, who were truly raped but were convinced to drop their charges. I think we need to remember that, some people truly are raped and there’s nothing done about it. If that doesn’t make you sick then there’s something wrong with you.

The point of this blog, and that story, is just a reminder that we need to be humble, without prejudice, without agenda when it comes to discussion of rape. God knows I’ve been guilty of that in the past.

Don’t take this as a retraction, I still stand by pretty much everything I’ve ever said in this blog. But standing by everything you’ve ever written doesn’t mean you aren’t willing to open yourself up to new perspectives, doesn’t mean you aren’t willing to say ‘my focus was perhaps too narrow.’

The discussion on rape, the horrors of it, what does and doesn’t constitute it, the false accusations, the punishments, the prevalence, the cover ups, the effects, the heartache, the damage, the utter blight it is on our society cannot, cannot, be held by one group and one group only, especially if that group has a clear agenda! Rape is not a gendered crime, it is a crime that affects the lives of not just those who suffer it but all those around it. We cannot, must not, allow one group of people to define the crime and then choose when it does and doesn’t apply.

We cannot let an opposing group take one aspect of rape and use it to try and dismiss other aspects of it. We cannot allow agenda and bias fuel our discussion. We need to be open and honest and utterly blunt with the discussions on rape. Yes, it will be painful, yes it will be uncomfortable and yes, it will mean having to let go of a lot of long-held beliefs but, ultimately, we must go through that process in order to be able to combat it in any real way.

Feminism’s insistence of defining and redefining rape and deciding who can and who cannot be a victim is bordering on laughable and only results in trivialising what is an absolutely detestable crime. In contrast, the MRM’s insistence of using any statistic they can find to prove the prevalence of false rape allegations borders on cherry picking. False rape allegations happen, that’s something we absolutely need to communicate and there have been studies in India that show the high rate of false rape allegations, somewhere around 50%. But we need to be careful that that statistic doesn’t become the new 1-in-4 that has persevered for so long, we need to make sure we don’t allow that statistic to cloud the fact that rapes do go unpunished.

There is no easy answer, no easy solution. The only thing we can do is dispense with sides, dispense with whatever preconceived notions we have, or had, and just accept that the world is fucked up and we can’t do a damn thing to change it if we aren’t willing to look at the bigger picture.

I have written in the past, and I will continue to write in the future, about rape and the impact feminists have on ‘rape culture’. All I’m trying to say is that we run the risk of creating an ‘invisible’ class of victims, more invisible than men currently are, that are simply forgotten about in this chest-beating posturing to try and show how much we care about rape.

If we care about rape then we will talk about all rape without fear of being called misogynists, without fear of being called rape-apologists, without fear of being labelled as some sort of degenerate scum for not buying into mainstream rhetoric. There needs to be no mainstream rhetoric, that’s the point. We need to rid ourselves of those voices who perpetuate myths and untruths, those voices who cherry-pick and dismiss, those voices who shout and scream at the slightest hint of dissent.

Rape happens to both men and women, let’s discuss why. Let’s discuss why we feel the need to dismiss and trivialise certain victims that don’t fit the narrative, the victims that don’t fit the agendas. If we need to, let’s have two sides, one that focuses on male victims and one that focuses of female victims but let’s allow them both to have their say with no fear of recrimination or accusations of ‘derailing’.

We are all humans, let’s try and make this planet a place we are all capable of acting like adults and discussing the darkest parts of our nature with some degree and maturity and compassion.

After all that, the hard part is now for me to practice what I preach. Can I do it? I don’t know, I am still human after all, but, in the words of Frank Darbo, “I can’t know that for sure…unless I try.”


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