7 weeks in the wilderness.

Posted: December 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

NOTE: This was written on Friday the 19th of December but I’ve been without internet for a week so I’m posing it now, on Christmas Eve. Bear that in mind as you’re reading it.

So, where to begin? 7 weeks since my last, proper, blog entry, 3 weeks since deactivating Facebook and logging out of John Salmon’s World. I was pretty adamant in the last blog that I would be gone for a while, so why the return after only 3 weeks? Well, it’s not quite a return, it’s nearly Christmas so, as well as wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, I thought I’d just add a little more context to the last blog entry.

First of all, what have I been doing in the last 3 weeks? To put it simply, I’ve been living my life! Too much time as John Salmon had bogged me down, turned me into a miserable cunt, isolated and pissed off at everything. Ok, that’s a slight over-exaggeration but it’s rooted in reality. I was definitely pissed off at everything and everyone. Christmas is always a busy time and when you deal with young adults (and ‘adults’ is stretching it to be fair) you’re always in for a long slog, especially when you hit December. It’s hard enough dealing with that shit on its own, when you add the MRM into the mix it becomes unbearable.

For those who don’t know, I resigned from my job in October in order to take up a position in another education establishment after Christmas, so the long road to the festive break got longer and harder (arf arf) for me as I had to make sure I didn’t leave the department picking up any shit.

I mentioned in that last blog that I was disillusioned with writing, that I’d lost the fire that had been the main reason for starting this blog last year. I don’t think much has changed, I still want to write, I still have ideas and stuff swirling round in my head, I still have angles and interpretations that I want people to know, not because I have a huge ego, just because I think it’s valuable to read different opinions, no matter how out of left field they are.

So, if that’s the case, why the big deal about taking a break, why the blog entry about shutting down Facebook and the WordPress blog? To be honest, I’m still trying to work that out myself. Ego maybe, perhaps a little bit of attention-seeking, I don’t know. I think I just wanted to get my frustrations out there, make it known that I was getting annoyed at what I was seeing. That’s not because I expected an outpouring of ‘don’t go, we love you’ messages, just because I think I needed to say it, to get it off my chest.

Today was my last day at work, I now have 2 weeks off to relax before starting fresh at a new job. My outlook on life has changed, somewhat, in the last 3 weeks. I’m more positive about things, more pragmatic about why people think the way they do. I’ve been quite scathing about things the last couple of months but I don’t think I’m in the same place as I was. My views on certain areas have softened, and on other areas hardened. I’m hopefully going to set a few things straight about why I do what I do, both in terms of my career and my writings here. This isn’t intended as an attack on individuals, so

Do I still think feminism is poisonous? Yes, of course. Having said that, my stance on feminists has changed. I think the movement as a whole is damaging and I think there are definitely some cuntish feminists who genuinely hate men but just can’t admit it but I don’t blame individual feminists for that. Why not? Well, because in my time away from the MRM I’ve seen feminists who genuinely believe feminism is a movement about equality. I think they’re misguided and they’ve been sold a lie, I think they’re being manipulated and they don’t realise it, I think they’re naïve for believing so blindly in the ‘you’re either a feminist or a sexist’ rhetoric but I don’t believe they are bad people.

Why has my stance on feminists softened while my hatred for the ideology itself remains? Well, because I’ve removed myself from the myopic focus of the MRM. I’ve mentioned feminism’s one eyed stance on gender relations before, but I think the MRM embodies a lot of the same qualities, just from the opposite side. Of course, feminism has a much broader public platform to spout their views, but that doesn’t mean the MRM isn’t as toxic at times. In the same way I’ve seen feminists lump all men into one category, demean them, shame them, humiliate them, dehumanise them and bully them, I’ve seen many of the same traits within the MRM.

I’ve never been shy about my experiences within the MRM, they’ve been mostly positive but, sometimes, I wonder if the men, and some women, within it realise they are behaving exactly like the feminists they condemn.

One of the things I utterly despised about the MRM was the sheer hypocrisy when it came to domestic abuse. Porn star Chrissy Mack (or maybe Christy, I can’t remember) was beaten up by her MMA boyfriend War Machine (his name being about as big an indicator as you could want that he’s a prick) earlier in the year. After reading about the way domestic violence towards men was minimised and belittled, laughed at and scorned, I was expecting some degree of understanding when reading this story. What did I see instead? People minimising the assault because ‘she’s a porn star’ or because rumours were going around that ‘she was caught cheating’. It was pathetic, these are people who condemn feminism for minimising male suffering and here they were minimising the suffering of a woman simply because she was a porn star and may have been caught cheating.

There was a recent article posted by a friend about a new trend in Asia (can’t remember the country, sorry) about women cutting of the penis of their cheating husband. The response? Yeah, pretty much universal condemnation. Now, I’m not saying for one minute that whole hateful response is indicative of the entire MRM, or course it’s not, but that’s the epiphany. If you can’t lump in the few extreme cunts of the MRM with every single person who is part of/have leanings towards it, then you must apply the same logic to feminism.

Does that sound like NAFALT? Well, I guess it is. Now, I think NAFALT as an excuse is poor as it’s mainly used to pay lipservice to the ‘good’ feminists. I’ve seen very little by way of actual, self-identifying feminists condemning the hate speech of radical feminists aside from throwing out the old NAFALT argument. The good thing about the MRM is that, generally, condemnation of cuntish behaviour is usually swift. However, that doesn’t mean cuntish behaviour doesn’t exist. I despise the generalisation of men and how mainstream it’s become, that feeling never went away after abandoning John Salmon, but I also despise the generalisation of women and, despite what I’ve seen and read in the MRM, it’s just as widespread as the generalisation of men.

Again, the difference being that the generalisation of women is always, always highlighted and made out to be negative, especially by feminists, who use their regular tactics of shame, humiliation and misinformation to somehow wrangle an apology out of whoever has ‘transgressed’.

For example, The Inbetweeners Movie. I watched this for the first time the other day and thought it was awful. For those who haven’t heard of the Inbetweeners; it was a TV series here in England about 4 sixth form students and their journey into adulthood. The movie was made as a way of bringing the series to a neat ending. Reading some reviews it became clear that the treatment of the female characters was unappreciated by most people, calling them stereotypical, one dimensional and, of course, misogynistic. I found it hard to disagree, they were all fairly one dimensional and difficult to like. However, not one comment was made about the boys themselves, the main characters who were, likewise, just as one dimensional and generalised as the women. Some people have said the series is supposed to be a parody, a deliberate over-exaggeration of teenage stereotypes. Whatever the intention, the point is that generalisations about women are not ok, generalisations about men are just dandy. I would like to point out that there is not one single character in The Inbetweeners, be it the TV show or film, that I can relate to. My teenage years were vastly different.

But what’s that got to do with the whole feminism vs the MRM thing? Well, feminism won’t allow us to laugh at generalisations of women, yet it actively endorses generalisations of men; backwards campaigns like Men Can Stop Rape and such can attest to that. Feminism will simply magic up ways of victimising women whilst expecting everyone to feel the same way, demeaning and shaming those who don’t.

One of my major bug bears is that feminists are unable to apply rational thought to indirect comparisons. For example, eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia, so we’re told, disproportionately affect women and while men suffer them too they are not to be included in the discussion. Feminists claim this is as a result of unrealistic body expectations effecting women more than men. What feminists don’t seem to be able to grasp is that unrealistic body expectations for men are not presented in the same way. So, instead of looking at men with eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia (direct comparisons) they should be focusing on the massive number of young men filling themselves with steroids and other drugs while spending hours in the gym to get the bodies of men like Hugh Jackman, Gerard Butler and Christian Bale. Body standards effect men and women, just not in the same way, it’s feminism’s obsession with looking only at direct comparisons and ignoring everything else that pisses me off.

In short, sometimes you have to compare apples and oranges in order to get the full picture.

When you think about it, it’s also rather ironic that feminists want to use direct comparisons for things like eating disorders, yet the wage gap calculations are based on comparing apples and oranges and that’s a stat the feminists love to use. Just goes to show they’ll find any way to make themselves the victim, even if it means being massive hypocrites.

To end what has become something of a ramble, I don’t feel like I belong in a gender movement. I don’t like feminism, but I equally don’t like much of the MRM and I want no part of either. That doesn’t mean I’m against gender equality, If I was I wouldn’t be fit to do the job I do, it simply means I don’t want to be part of a ‘side’ in this ‘battle’. I’m just a person trying to navigate their way through life. I still see things I don’t like, I still see the way feminism infantilises women and demonises men, but equally I’ve seen the way the MRM demonises women and it’s equally as pathetic and unhelpful.

I’ll always be unsure of what my views are, they’re malleable, influenced by new information, shaped and refined every single day by things I read. What I do know is that I don’t need my views validated by an ideology of any kind. I thought I did once, but now I couldn’t give a fuck who likes me or who agrees with me, I’m not doing this for brownie points or to be accepted, I’m doing it because I want to. Will that change? Maybe, everything changes at some point but at the moment I don’t care who I upset or why. The last year has been invaluable to me, it’s shaped who I am, what I believe and what I write, but it’s also shown me the dark side of life, the negativity and hypocrisy. I can’t be bothered to involve myself in that anymore. I’m through with trying to ignore the shit I see when it comes to gender equality because it’s all for ‘the greater good’.

To that end I’ve reduced my friends on Facebook, if you’re gone and that upsets you I’m sorry but your feelings are not my concern. I have limited my affiliations with pages, which means no more admin roles. I still have liked pages that I’ll share the blog with, I’m still friends with admins, I just don’t want to be one anymore. If they choose to share my blog then that’s fantastic but, mostly, I’ll be uploading new entries on my own page. Will that change? Maybe, but for now I have no interest in becoming an admin again.

That doesn’t mean to come across like the self-righteous rantings of someone who thinks they’re important, one of the good things about being John Salmon is that, ultimately, my contribution is pretty insignificant, it’s just my heart spilled onto the page. Simple as that.

Merry Christmas. Despite everything, I do love this time of year!


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