Rape culture: it only happens to women, we’ll just ignore all the shit that happens to men, even when it’s the exact same situation.

Posted: August 6, 2014 in Uncategorized

Two days. Yeah, it took two days for me to find another batshit crazy example of ‘rape culture’ to laugh at. Well, two days ago I had 13 articles on rape culture in this blog. This is now the 15th. Woohoo! Do I go on about rape culture too much? Yeah, probably, but that’s only because of the moronic number of articles I see about rape culture. It’s a tough job, constantly reading about rape culture and how it’s supposedly the worst thing ever to happen to our society.

I’m not being facetious either, learning about rape culture is basically learning how, as a man, I’m pretty much responsible for all the evil in the world. Yeah, apparently it’s men and women who contribute to rape culture but women seem to be lacking when it comes to all the articles that I read.

There are currently 3 blogs (including this one) I have lined up to write over the next few days and, yep, one of them is about rape culture. My last blog was about rape culture so, altogether, that makes far too many entries on rape for me to count! I shouldn’t feel the need to keep making these articles but, unfortunately, there are still morons out there who believe it.

So, in case I haven’t been clear before now: why do I think rape culture is horseshit? A couple of reasons:

1) Rape culture discourse always, always¸ focuses on women as the victims,
2) Rape culture discourse always focuses on men as the perpetrators.
3) Rape Culture discourse actively ignores anything that would contradict point number 2.
4) Feminists only ever acknowledge female perpetrators when called out on it, and even then it’s only to pay lip service.

You see, we can’t live in a culture where the crime of rape, or indeed the ‘normalising’ of rape, only applies to one gender. That’s not a ‘culture’ is a sense of victimhood that is suffocating. I’ve mentioned before but ‘rape culture’ is now so pervasive of a theory among feminists that it’s beginning to intrude on simple, everyday interactions, especially in relationships. What ‘rape culture’ does is take away any form of mutual communication and experimenting between couples and replaces it with a desire for ‘enthusiastic consent’.

Now, I’ve no problem with feminism wanting consent to be achieved before any form of sexual activity, that’s one of the few things we agree on. However, the slippery slope of rape culture is that it takes experimentation in the bedroom and automatically equates it to rape culture. It takes a spur of the moment piece of sexual experimentation and immediately labels it as rape. It’s getting to the point where every little piece of sex will be monitored and discussed before happening. Spontaneous impulses are gone, if you spontaneously decide to initiate sexual intercourse then you’re running the risk of being a rapist.

How do I come to that conclusion? Well, this article was posted online a couple of weeks ago:

http://metro.co.uk/2014/05/03/27-things-men-do-in-bed-that-women-hate-4717030/

It’s a list of 27 things that men do in bed that women hate, everything from positions only seen in porno films to what sex face to make. I don’t think I’m pushing the boat out too much when I say that most people will have experienced some of the things on this list. Maybe not all, but some. Even with my limited experience I can cross off over a dozen. These, to me, are just some of those situations where you finally reveal them to a friend and their response it ‘oh yeah, never thought about that.’

Unless, of course, you’re a feminist. In which case you can pretty much just ignore everything that actually makes sense and just jump straight to the rape culture:

http://aroomofourown.org/rape-night-by-cathjanes/

I wish I was making that up, I truly do, but I’m not. I honestly don’t know where to start. Are there a few things on that list that could, in some tenuous way, be linked to the act of rape? Do you know what, I’m not even sure. The fact that Cath James is so adamant on all the points just makes this seem like satire. She can’t be serious? Well, it would appear she is.

Another problem with this article, and rape culture in general, is the hysteria and hyperbole. I’ll go through a couple of James’ reasons for equating these ‘things women hate’ to ‘rape’ (italics are the original point, the rest is James’ response):
“‘When you give them a blow job and they act as if you don’t have a gag reflex. How about I’m sick all over your penis?’ Yup, you read that right, kraken-lovers.

According to The Metro a man forcing his penis into my throat, even though it is making me uncomfortable, scared and upset, now deserves to be shrugged off more than it deserves to be a moment of monumental distress. Somehow the notion that this will make me vomit as a result is far more important than the fact that it’ll also make me want to call a rape crisis line.”

This is the first point of refutation by James and, already, she’s simply making shit it.

Of course, this is just how I’m reading it, maybe there’s an interpretation that doesn’t makes James sound like a prat.

“According to the Metro a man forcing his penis into my throat”

Woah, wait up. First piece out of outright dishonesty: ‘According to the Metro’.
Let’s look at the first line of the article in The Metro:

“We threw the question out to Facebook, what things do men do in bed that us women hate?”

Yep, this particular list is actually made up of responses to a question asked on Facebook. So, in essence, this is not The Metro telling us what women hate, this is actual women telling us what women hate. As I’ve said before, feminists cannot wait to misinterpret, or deliberately misread, something to ensure their victimhood remains in place.

So, this is not The Metro telling us what these women hate, it is actual women. The next point again is simple hyperbole. The point never mentions the use of force. Actually, it starts off by saying ‘when you give them a blowjob’. How can it be rape when, quite clearly, consent has been achieved. There is absolutely no reason to suggest the man is ‘forcing his penis’ into the woman’s throat. If he forces it, it’s rape, if she decides to give him a blowjob it’s not rape. Pretty simple really. The next little bit is also way off the mark in terms of what the original point was saying:

“even though it is making me uncomfortable, scared and upset”

again, where is the suggestion, no matter how slight, that the act of giving a blowjob is making them uncomfortable, scared and upset? If anything, this particular point expresses frustration and anger, not fear and discomfort. Again, don’t let the actual words get in the way of a feminist telling you you’ve been raped.

So what is the point of, well, point 1? If you’ve consented to giving a blowjob and the guy is being too rough sticking his penis down your throat, making you feel like you’re about to vomit, the mature, adult, responsible thing to do is to actually tell him to stop it. That’s not the same as admitting you’ve been raped, or even telling him to stop raping you, it’s a simple, adult conversation between two people old enough to talk about things that they may not be enjoying. A lack of enjoyment during a particular sex act, one that, it would appear, has been consented to, does not amount to rape. If that was the case then having sex on the stairs of my house at university was just a rape-fest!

The rest of James’ response to point 1 is a simple development of her initial musings on forced blowjobs. The fact that there was no insinuation of any force at all in the original point means that the rest of her paragraph is meaningless victimhood, so we’ll move on.

“‘When you’re in the middle of foreplay and they thrust a finger up your bum with NO warning.’ Oh, and there I was kicking out of the bed the man who does this to me before scrubbing myself in the shower when all along I should have been giggling about it with my mates over a stereotypical Lambrusco. That’s right, because being intruded upon by a rogue digit is right up there (pardon the pun) with forgetting to buy stamps.”

Could this one actually be rape? I mean, it is digital penetration of an orifice without ‘enthusiastic consent’, so surely this one actually counts?

This is one of the only times I’m going to waver in my opinions on this blog. Am I always right? No, not at all, but I’m always steadfast in what I believe. This time, however, I could go either way. Generally speaking I don’t think this is rape at all, though I’m not going to argue too much with someone who thinks it is. So why don’t I think this is rape?

Well, this goes back to my point about experimentation. Spontaneous actions during sex are common, and long may they last. If you’re looking at ‘enthusiastic consent’ during foreplay then you’re going to be stopping and starting a lot.

“Can I squeeze your breast?”
“Now can I finger you?”
“Now can I go back to your breast?”
“Can I go down on you?”

It would pretty much kill any of the passion that got the foreplay started in the first place. Maybe I’m just naïve, or a sexual freak, but if I consent to sex, whether verbally or through body language, I’m pretty much consenting to anything. Sure, I can say “no, don’t like that, stop it” at any point, which is the great thing about having sex with an adult.

Woah, that sounded wrong! What I mean is that adult, mature, intelligent people can tell each other what they like and don’t like whilst in the middle of it. Slap your bum too hard? Simple, tell him it’s too hard. Biting your nipples too hard? Simple, tell him to be gentler. Try to stick a finger up your bum? Tell him you don’t want to do that and move on.

Technically, by the definition of the law, is this rape? I guess it is, but I don’t think it’s as simple as that. That’s not my way of condoning anal rape, by the way, I’m just saying that spontaneity and experimentation in the bedroom are in danger of being lost when articles like this appear. It makes men feel like they can’t be spontaneous for fear of being labeled a rapist. Hell, my ex tried to put her finger up my bum once. I can honestly say it’s not something I ever want to try, but equally I don’t think her intention was to rape me, it was simply to try something new.

Of course, the opposite side to this argument, this theory that we shouldn’t be spontaneous and experimental is that we will never find out if we like things we’d never thought of before. What if, in that moment of passion, the woman decides she quite likes having a finger up her bum? It’s just one of those situations that, if we completely neuter it and remove the chances of it happening, we run the risk of denying possible sexual gratification in ways we didn’t imagine.

I didn’t like it so she never tried it again. That’s a simple piece of communication between adults. She tried something experimental, I didn’t like it, the experience was forgotten about and we moved on. I didn’t feel the need to sit her down and talk about why she felt the need to rape me.

That’s not the only reason this particular article bugs me, though. It bugs me because the Metro article is just one of a number of articles that deal with likes and dislikes in the bedroom. Whether that’s men or women there are numerous things that happen in the bedroom that people don’t like. ‘Rape culture’ is where you take one example out of many that just happens to fit your, rather tenuous, point and use it as an example of how it degrades women, how it attempts to ‘blur the lines between what is and what is not a criminal offence’. ‘Rape Culture’ is also about being disingenuous and hyperbolic, ignoring the origins of a piece of literature (in this case a sample of responses to a Facebook question) and assuming that it is the views of one person, rather than the views of many.

Of course, ‘rape culture’, and this article in particular, only deals with women. Of course it does, because rape culture just doesn’t deal with men. Well, I think that’s bullshit, so I went on Google and did some searching. All I did was type in ‘things women do in bed that men hate’ and, unsurprisingly, I found a list of similar surveys that contained a lot of the same grievances aired in the original Metro article:

http://uk.askmen.com/dating/player/44b_love_games.html
http://www.londoncitygirl.co.uk/article/things-women-do-during-sex-men-hate

Now, there are two rather worrying points, one from each site, that are worth mentioning. The first one is only worrying because, if we take James’ ‘rape culture’ hysteria to heart, it’s also an example of rape, only this time from the perspective of a man:

http://www.londoncitygirl.co.uk/article/things-women-do-during-sex-men-hate

May I guide you to numero, er, 4 – puts a finger up the butt. Yeah, that’s right, women do that shit as well, yet James only seems to have a problem when it’s a man doing it to a woman. Something to do with Patriarchy I would imagine. So, experimentation when it’s done to a woman – rape, when done to a man – well, I’m just going to remain completely ignorant and not acknowledge the existence of that kind of shit.

Rape culture in a nutshell, identical scenarios simply glossed over when it’s done to a man, horrific endorsement of rape when done to a woman.

But there’s one more that is worrying, and not because of the hypocritical view of rape culture, because this actually is a blasé account of rape. And, get this, it’s actually a male victim:

“Don’t take “no” for an answer

Women are not used to being rejected, so when a man makes it clear that he’s not interested, they’ll just insist until the man gives in to the mercy lay. Unfortunately, she’ll expect a relationship afterwards. If she’s a one-night stand, you should tell her to leave the premises without thieving anything or uttering the dreadful, “call me.””

Where’s Cath James? Yeah, she’s nowhere to be seen. You see, instead of taking 5 minutes to do a simple Google search to see if there were any parallels between male and female dislikes in the bedroom she immediately decided that the Metro list was an absolute example of rape culture. In order to do it she needed to lie and manipulate what was actually being said in the article.

Yet, here we are with something that is outright rape and she is nowhere to be seen. At no point in her article does she acknowledge that women do fucked up shit in the bedroom either, that women are just as capable of raping men when it comes to persistence and lack of consent.

What James’ article actually does is trivialise rape. In order to try and claim rape culture, she trivialises real rape. By manipulating what has been said, from inserting words like ‘forced’ and ‘scared’ and ‘upset’ to a paragraph where no such mention was made originally she actually undermines those people that have been raped. She’s so desperate to demonise male bedroom experimentation, so desperate to demonise male sexuality and present women as perennial victims that she’s actively trivialising rape. In order to highlight ‘rape culture’ she actually perpetuates ‘rape culture’. That’s fucked up.

Look at the wording in the paragraph above – ‘mercy lay’. When rape of men is referred to as a ‘mercy lay’ then something is very wrong, especially when you consider James’ treatment of a consensual blowjob that gets too rough.

Just another reason why I don’t, and can’t, subscribe to the idea of ‘rape culture’. It’s too hypocritical, it’s steeped in victimhood and it always, always paints women as victims. In this case James has even gone so far as to create victims out of thin air, to take anecdotes from women, in which there is never any mention of, force and tell them they were victims of rape. Not only that, but no consideration of identical situations involving males is given and, even worse, a legitimate example of female-on-male rape is referred to as a ‘mercy lay’.

Apparently, letting a woman rape you is now ‘merciful’.

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Comments
  1. […] Rape culture: it only happens to women, we’ll just ignore all the shit that happens to men, even w… August 6, 2014 […]

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