Rape Culture: We’re still just making shit up. Oh, and we’re a massive set of hypocrites, too!

Posted: August 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

So, before writing this entry I decided to do a bit of research and see just how many timed I’d written about rape or rape culture. The magic number? 13. Yep, in less than a year I have written 13 different articles about rape or rape culture. Why? Because it’s still a massive topic of discussion. I mentioned in a previous blog that I thought we’d reached the zenith of rape culture hysteria, I thought we’d reached it a long time ago. I was wrong. It seems every week, if not every day, some new story is hitting the headlines about some perpetuation of rape culture.

Why do I keep writing about it? Well, it’s my blog and I’ll write on whatever the hell I want. All flippant comments aside I continue to write about rape culture because it continues to appear in the news. I don’t believe we live in a rape culture, I don’t believe rape is this huge problem. The 1 in 5 statistic rolled out for the last 30 years have been proven, time and time again, to be unreliable at best, an outright lie at worst. The ‘epidemic’ of rape on college campuses has, again, been undermined. The amount of men being raped by women is now beginning to make real waves, with some solid studies coming out to show how men suffer too.

Do I deny rape happens or that it’s not a serious crime? No, if you can find any mention of that in the 13 previous articles then by all means let me know. Rape does happen and it is a serious crime, but it’s a serious crime that we should not be hyper-exaggerating and turning political. People get raped, yet most of the time when we talk about rape or ‘rape culture’ we always, always, approach it from the viewpoint of women as victims. That’s one of the major reasons that I don’t believe we live in a rape culture. The fact that every discussion we have is geared towards women, sometimes with a token ‘I know men get raped, too’ comment thrown in, and the fact that most statistics are either outright false or manipulated mean that it’s practically impossible to talk about rape in any mature way without some brainwashed moron losing their shit because you dare to question the statistics.

There are huge double standards when it comes to rape culture and who it affects. Rape culture is a culture that, supposedly, normalises rape, sexual assault and other sexual crimes, normalises them, condones them, accepts them, blames the victim when it happens. That’s all well and good but, actually, that’s just not true. Yes, some people get away with lenient sentences, but when you look at the amount of female teachers, or females in general, who go to prison for raping underage boys (hint, it’s very few) and then approach rape culture as a purely female phenomenon it really undermines your credibility. Also, to take rape as a crime and say ‘look how lenient these sentences are’ whilst dismissing lenient sentences for other crimes is just moronic. If your point is that serious crimes are undermined with lenient sentences then fire your vitriol at the justice system, don’t just make shit up.

Feminists love to create a link between ‘entitlement’ and ‘rape culture’. The idea that men feeling they are ‘owed’ women’s bodies, or that women’s sole purpose is for the enjoyment of men, directly fuels the idea that, because of this objectification, men then feel entitled to sex with a woman, or at least feel they are ‘owed’ sex with women. Of course, that’s all rubbish. In order to make that connection you need a hyper inflated sense of what ‘rape culture’ is and, equally, a healthy shaming of male sexual desire. What the feminists proclaim is not ‘rape culture’, it is simple shaming of male desire and interest. Simply put, even saying ‘she is attractive’ without also adding the caveat ‘she is smart’ as well is somehow an entitlement complex. Being sexually attracted to a woman and wishing to have sex with her is objectification leading to entitlement leading to rape culture.

This, of course, ignores the sexual desires of every single woman on the planet. Apparently, men being sexually attracted to women and expressing a desire to have sex with them is entitlement, yet women doing the exact same thing is, well, I don’t actually know. Sexual empowerment? Probably, but I actually don’t know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it expressed before. Feminism wants women to be sexually liberated, but doesn’t hold them to the same standards as they hold men. Does that sound familiar? Yeah, me too.

The whole idea of ‘rape culture’ leads to some pretty ridiculous examples and some rather pertinent examples of double standards. It is now getting to the point where no only do they want sexual to be initiated with a clear “yes”, or ‘enthusiastic consent’ as seems to be the new buzzword, but also requires a clear, enthusiastic “yes” for every new development. By that, I mean that saying “yes” and kissing someone is now not agreeing to sex, it is simply agreeing to the kiss. This was bought up on the recent debate on The Amazing Atheist’s channel between Judgy Bitch and Awesome Rants

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFE9HLLBN8E&list=UUjNxszyFPasDdRoD9J6X-sw).

But this is just rehashing old ground, what is it in particular that has made me write another blog on rape culture, or at least my dismissing of it? Despite the fact that literally anything, from dress codes at American schools to simple admissions of desire are now contributing to rape culture, there’s always some stupid, idiotic feminist double standard that shows just how well feminists play the victim. There was an article posted on Facebook the other day that made a few waves around some of the feminist pages (I apologise for using WRN to link the story, but that’s where I first saw it):

http://viralwomen.com/post/unbelievable_husband_sreates_spreadsheet_detailing_different_reasons_why_his_wife_would_not_have_sex_with_him

I’m also posting this because this massive page, liked by nearly 1 million people, has made a fucking amateur spelling mistake:

You might think “well, that’s perfectly fine, if she doesn’t want to then she doesn’t have to”. You’d be right, of course, I’m in no way suggesting that he should have forced himself on her when she refused. What I do find interesting is the response to it from women on WRN. Now, it should come as no surprise that the woman is seen as the victim in this, it’s a pretty standard response when it comes to sex. But, I wasn’t quite expecting feminists to somehow relate this particular story to rape culture and entitlement.

Now let’s make something clear, even within a marriage rape can happen, I’m not one of these people who says ‘well, it was her husband, therefore not rape’. No, rape is rape no matter what the connection between the people. My main problem is, of course, the implied victimisation of the woman in the story, that somehow it is the man who is being a rapey, patriarchal beast by trying to initiate sex on a regular basis. Let’s not forget that the man did this spreadsheet over the course of a month, which leads me to believe it had been a regular occurrence for him to be denied sex previous to this. You don’t just suddenly think “ooh, I know, I’ll create a spreadsheet of our sex life” for no reason whatsoever. Let’s also not forget that he sent this to his wife privately by email, it was her who put it on Reddit. Apparently she tried to call him a few times and he didn’t respond so, instead of being mature and waiting to talk to him, she put it on the internet. Now, was it a smart thing to do on his part? Probably not, but this is where the feminists start acting like, well, feminists.

There is absolutely no context to this image, none whatsoever. As I said, chances are this was born out of desperation, not a whim one night. Could he have spoken to her? Yep. Did he bypass that option and go straight to the spreadsheet? We have absolutely no idea. He could have, and she could have ignored him. That’s why context is important, this is one small snapshot of a married couple’s sex life, we have no idea what preceded it. Is he an entitled, rapey fuckwit who expects sex on demand? He could be. Is he a sexually frustrated man who is, quite clearly, not getting the attention he desires in the bedroom? He could be. See, without that context we are making snap judgements and, unsurprisingly, feminists are jumping to the defence of the woman.

Let’s see some of the responses by feminists:

Rape culture, apparently, is a culture in which rape is normalised, condoned, actively encouraged and endorsed, yet, once again, we only ever see it from the perspective of a woman as the victim.

Interestingly, some men decided that they didn’t like being the de facto monsters of rape culture and decided to fight back:

Of course, these male responses were met with the usual lip service by the feminists: “oh, she’s contributing to rape culture, too.” Funnily enough, there was no consideration of rape culture being gender neutral when it was initially brought up.

Now the responses are one thing, but another thing to take into consideration is the number of likes each comment got, some of them in the hundreds. That means that, for every one comment of rape cultures, there are hundreds more that don’t comment but agree. That’s why rape culture is so pervasive of an idea in our society. When you literally find an endorsement of rape in anything, it’s no surprise that we live in a rape culture. This goes back to the article I wrote about Maleficent and that ridiculous article claiming there was a metaphorical rape scene in that film. The author of that article made a comment that rape was so ‘widespread’ in our society that it could even be read into a Disney film.

That’s one of my problems with ‘rape culture’ as a pervasive, widespread idea. Part of rape culture is finding the hidden rape in every little thing. I can honestly say the people who perpetuate rape culture more than anyone else are feminists, they are so obsessed with proving we live in a rape culture that they will read rape, metaphorical or otherwise, into everything they can. It’s one big, vicious, victimhood cycle: feminists believe there is a rape culture, feminists see rape in every film, book, relationship, TV show etc, feminists use this to prove claims of rape culture. Never mind how pathetically slight that link to rape culture is, or how pathetically trite, or how much they ignore the entirety of one gender to make their point, they can find a way of making rape culture as pervasive as they want to. And the benefit, for them, is that no-one is going to complain because no-one wants to be called a misogynist. Never mind the fact that men are raped, too, a simple desire to see, solid, dependable stats on rape of both genders somehow means you hate women. That’s feminist logic for you.

Another reason I don’t believe in rape culture is the outright denial of male victims. I mentioned this in an article I wrote refuting the ’25 everyday examples of rape culture’ a couple of months back. Whenever examples of rape culture are bought up, or when feminists try to define rape culture, not only do we get outlandish, ridiculously grasping, examples, we also get a gender biased view. See, rape culture seems to only affect women, of the 25 examples of rape culture in the article I wrote all 25 were about women. There was a token mention of men but that was only as a secondary factor to the victimisation of women. Rape culture is all about the demonisation of men. Women who contribute to rape culture are ignored, dismissed in order to focus on the real bastards: men.

A perfect example is highlighted by the spreadsheet furore. See, when a man does it, it’s a contributory factor to rape culture, it’s male entitlement, it’s a husband feeling like he has access to his wife’s body, that he is ‘owed’ sex, whenever and wherever he wants it. A husband wanting to have sex with his wife, desiring his wife, and doing something pretty daft when he’s denied that is evidence of the condoning of rape, it’s proof that men feel entitled to women’s bodies, it’s just another example of how women are victimised by a patriarchal society.

When a woman creates a spreadsheet for the exact same reason? Let’s have a look:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/24/spreadsheet_0_n_5618005.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Pretty much the same scenario, sexually frustrated woman pens sex diary of all the times she was refused sex. I read a good deal of comments. Was there a single mention of rape culture? Nope, not a single one. Nothing. So there we have it, as if you needed any more proof. When it comes to rape culture, it is solely the domain of men. It’s a man’s problem overall: men cause it, men perpetuate it, men need to solve it. That’s it, that’s the gist of it, men are evil, rapey, objectifying, entitled fuckwits whose simple desiring of a woman is furthering rape culture. There’s no consideration of how women contribute. Sure, the odd feminist will pay lip service and say ‘well, everyone continues to perpetuate rape culture’, but I find that line only appears when someone calls them out on their bullshit, before that they are quite happy to assume that it’s solely the fault of men.

One interesting thing from the spreadsheet itself: when she receives oral sex she considers that enough to put ‘yet’ in the ‘yes/no?’ box, yet when she gives him oral sex she doesn’t consider that as sex. So basically, if you receive oral sex then you’ve had sex, if you give it then you haven’t. A strange way of looking at it.
Perhaps the most annoying thing, for me in particular, about the double standards prevalent within this article is not just the fact that a woman feeling entitled to sex is somehow not furthering rape culture, it’s the fact that, as with the previous spreadsheet, the woman is still the victim! Again, that’s rape culture, no matter what happens, even if the genders are reversed in an identical situation, the woman is always the victim. To suggest otherwise is simply contributing to rape culture.

So when a man is sexually frustrated and creates a spreadsheet detailing his frustrations, he’s the bad guy, he’s contributing to rape culture and we are subjected to lectures about what constitutes rape culture, how men feel entitled to women’s bodies, how they feel owed sex and how that is wrong. Yet, when a woman does it it’s because he’s an ‘awful husband’ and she eventually gets ‘tired of his shit’. It blows my mind that we still buy into the fucking stupidity of ‘rape culture’ and yet don’t stop to question how it’s possible that two identical situations are somehow massively different simply because of the sex of those involved.

In this situation, as in most situations when it comes to sex, men just cannot win. If they desire sex in a marriage and don’t get any it’s not a question of a wife holding out, it’s a case for the man to stop being such a rapey cunt and just accept the fact he’s not entitled to his wife at any time. Yet when he’s the one holding out in a marriage and not giving the woman sex it’s because he’s a shithead who doesn’t know what married life is all about.

When men aren’t getting sex they get shamed for simply desiring it, when women aren’t getting sex they can run to their friends (and the internet in general) to be mollycoddled and told how awful their husband is. If a man demands sex he’s a rapey bastard and the woman should get as far away as possible. When a woman demands sex well, as the responses on WRN suggest, the man just needs to lay there and take it like a man. And yet men are the rapists? Men are the ones who contribute to rape culture? It baffles me.

When we get a story about a man trying to get sex off his wife, the response is oh, so predictable:

http://www.ijreview.com/2014/07/161723-think-woman-man-owes-sex-might-want-take-look-handy-chart/

Now that site would love you to think that this little bite of information is applicable to both men and women. That’s a fair point to make, it’s a very good idea to let women know that they aren’t completely blameless in all this. Oh, but then we see the actual chart the headline talks about and that little token mention of men becomes absolute horseshit:

Yep, this chart is all about when women, and women alone, owe you sex. Hint: it’s never.

It’s funny that that chart exists suggesting that women never owe a man sex, yet stories like this exist:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/8741895/Frenchman-ordered-to-pay-wife-damages-for-lack-of-sex.html

And this one:

http://detroit.jalopnik.com/michigan-woman-shoots-boyfriend-because-he-didnt-ejacul-1606824306/+travis

If I’m being honest, I’m not quite sure how that second story relates to the hypocrisies of rape culture, I just find it, again, baffling that a woman can feel so entitled to shoot a boyfriend and yet it barely made a whisper in the national media.

As if there weren’t enough reasons for me to see rape culture as nothing but hyperbolic nonsense we then get another feminist response that completely erases male victims and instead assigns that status to women.

When reading all the responses to this whole rape culture shenanigans I couldn’t help but think of one thing: isn’t withholding sex a form of domestic abuse? Domestic Abuse definitions, much like rape, have become so broad in recent years, largely thanks to feminist campaigns, that almost anything can be construed as domestic abuse, it’s not just physical violence anymore.

So, I decided to do a bit of research and, lo and behold, my hunch was right:

http://www.woodbridgedvrt.org/pages/fiveforms.html

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/subtle_sexual_abuse.html

So yeah, withholding sex is actually domestic violence. Now, an argument could be made that says ‘withholding’ something means a deliberately cruel act in order to deny somebody something, like ‘withholding’ money as a way of stopping your partner going out and being with others. It’s a fair enough comment, but I still don’t see it as a valid enough excuse to, well, excuse the people in these spreadsheets. Now, far be it for me to be a hypocrite, but technically both people in these spreadsheets are committing domestic abuse. However, I want to focus on the first one, the woman doing the withholding, because I believe it demonstrates not only the absurdity of attributing rape culture to this, but it also automatically assumes the woman is the victim.

After doing that little bit of research (and it was literally 10/15 minutes worth of searching on Google, I wanted a couple of sites rather than a dictionary definition) I decided to present this little bit of information to the lovely ladies in the comments section of WRN. The response I got even I wasn’t expecting, and that says a lot given my expectations of that site:

You see, domestic abuse is something that feminists are desperate to raise awareness of. They campaign, they make adverts, they constantly tell us how bad women have it, how many women are killed each week, how bad it is for women every day. The sad thing is, they are also so desperate to show us how pervasive rape culture is that they are willing to completely ignore instances of women committing domestic abuse, something they are always telling us is abhorrent, in order to show how give an example of a man perpetuating rape culture. They simply don’t give a shit about male victims. At all.

Is there a word for this level of hypocrisy? I can’t think of one. In order to show how evil men are, they are willing to twist a situation in which a man is the victim, by their own definitions, and a woman is the perpetrator, by their own definitions, of domestic abuse and present is as a complete 180 degree switch. In this case, a male victim of domestic abuse is actually a perpetrator of rape culture. How does that work?

So a man withholding sex from his wife is enough to earn him the title of ‘awful’ husband and, in some cases, enough grounds for the woman to divorce him, yet there is no mention of domestic abuse. The woman is the victim, plain and simple, any good marriage should contain a regular amount of sex and, apparently, anything different is just not good enough.

Yet, when a woman withholds sex from her husband, she is completely within her rights to do so and any attempts by the man to fix the situation or, at the very least, draw her attention to it is simply a perpetuation of rape culture and male entitlement. This despite the fact that withholding sex is actually a form of domestic abuse.

That’s feminism for you. When a movement can be so influential it helps define a certain crime, then ignores that definition so it can portray a perpetrator as a victim of a separate crime what does that say about them? Feminists are so, so desperate to portray women as victims that they actively ignore a male victim and somehow twist his suffering so that he is, in fact, perpetuating an entirely different crime. Which is it? Is there some form of obligation or expectation of sex in a relationship/marriage or not? How can a man suffering a form of domestic abuse also be contributing to rape culture? How can it be ok for a woman to withhold sex but not a man?

All this just becomes even more fucked up when you read this article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/28/sex-every-day-for-a-month_n_5628068.htm

This article doesn’t just talk about intercourse, it’s just about being intimate. When a husband and wife spent 15 minutes together every day for a month their relationship improved. Well, would you believe that? When two adults talk about their marriage and do things together they actually get on pretty well. I can’t catch my breath, how amazing that it took a random, everyday to prove that communication and intimacy are beneficial to married life!

All sarcasm aside, it proves that sex within a marriage, or even a relationship, is important. Much more important than people are willing to believe. Is feminism about equality between the sexes? Is it about empowering women when it comes to sex in relationships? Is it about protecting women from violent partners and unsafe relationships?

Or is it, as I’m beginning to believe, that literally everything a man does or doesn’t do can be twisted by feminists to make victims out of women. You want to know why I fucking despise you? Yeah, that’s why.

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