#MagalufGirl, alcohol and the muddy waters of consent!

Posted: July 6, 2014 in Uncategorized

To be honest, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to approach this one. There isn’t one specific topic that I can focus on, unlike previous blogs on rape culture and gender violence I can’t just file this into one category. It covers a whole gamut of issues that need discussing, from alcholo abuse to consent to rape culture to personal responsibility. I’m going to address issues of alcohol and consent as I think they are the two main pressing concerns, but there are also numerous other factors that play in to this and could do with being explored.

Do I hope to be able to explain why this particular blog is being written? I don’t think I can, I don’t think there’s any cast-iron explanation I can give to this, just a series of explorations and considerations to understand how we’ve got to the situation we’re in now regarding alcohol and consent, particularly among teenagers and particularly abroad.

If you haven’t heard of this story yet, then read this:

http://www.inquisitr.com/1333089/british-tourist-in-magaluf-video/

It’s the story of a drunk female tourist who performed oral sex on 24 men in the hopes of winning some prize. I’m reluctant to say she was offered a holiday as there are conflicting reports about what she was actually offered. Some say she was offered a holiday, some say it was made clear that ‘holiday’ was the name of the drink, some say there was never a mention of a prize. Anyway, she sucks off 24 guys for some reason while the DJ, and numerous others, egg her on.

Of course, it was all captured on film and put on the internet. Cue cries of rape culture and slut shaming from a certain group of people.

Before I carry on with the story I’d like to just fill you in on some background about me and my relationship with alcohol. I’ve thought about writing this in the past but it never seemed appropriate. I think now is a good idea. I have some pretty strong views on alcohol that might offend you but, as I’ve often said, I don’t give a fuck.

I detest alcohol. Really detest it. I’m teetotal and have been for a while now. I’ve never liked it, even when I was 16 and everyone else was really getting into it. It alienated me from a lot of my peers, while they were all out drinking on a Thursday I was at home playing computer games or listening to music. It’s amazing how much of a social pariah not drinking makes you. I have had alcohol, I bowed to peer pressure for a number of years, but I don’t think there’s ever been a point when I’ve enjoyed drinking.

When I was at university I drank a lot. Not because I enjoyed it but because I hated where I lived, I hated my housemates and I wasn’t enjoying being at university. That says something of the power of alcohol that I detested everything about it, but couldn’t help myself. It numbed the pain, it helped me to forget, ironically it helped me forget how much of a hypocrite I was being: I hated alcohol yet couldn’t stop drinking it. I carried on drinking until I was in my early 20s, then decided that I didn’t want to live my life by other people’s rules. If they didn’t want to be around me because I didn’t drink then I don’t need them in my life.

What’s the point of regurgitating that rather pathetic part of my life? Well, I understand the social pressures to drink alcohol, I know how it feels to drink when you don’t want to, simply because you want to fit in. I was in my 20s before I realised I didn’t need validation of other people to enjoy myself. Even now, at the age of 27, I find myself shamed on a regular basis when I don’t have a drink, I find people get mardy and say shit like ‘well, if you’re not drinking that means I can’t drink,’ Well, if you’re that fussed, fuck off and drink with someone else.

If I feel that way at 27, I can only imagine how bad it is for an 18 year old in 2014. Alcohol is so easy to get, so cheap and, ultimately, a staple of the teen experience. It plays such a huge part in their lives it’s no surprise that we get television shows like Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents (or whatever it’s called) where concerned parents follow their, often young, children to places like Magaluf to see what they get up to. Debauchery is normally the end result.

Anyway, point is alcohol plays a massive part in this event. Would she have sucked off 24 men if she wasn’t drunk? I highly doubt it. She probably hasn’t sucked off 24 men in her personal life, so why she thought it was a good idea to do while she was drunk is anyone’s guess.

Of course, it brings up the rather pertinent issue of consent and alcohol and, indirectly, rape culture. There are a few questions that have been swirling round my head:

1) Was she in any mind to consent?
2) If not, was she raped/sexually assaulted?
3) If you’re making that claim, were the men she sucked off sexually assaulted?
4) Why is she being called a slut when the boys aren’t?

Of course, point 4 is a massive headache of a question on its own. Obviously,
Twitter warriors are out in full claiming that she is being criticised and ‘slut shamed’ while the men are being lauded as ‘heroes’ and ‘lads’. However, a quick scan of Twitter shows something rather odd. Yes, there are quite a few people (women included) who are calling the girl a slut, but I am yet to see anyone explicitly calling the boys ‘heroes’ and ‘lads’. Maybe I’m just looking in the wrong place. Once again, it would appear that there are more people actually talking about the double standard than committing the double standard.

I also find it funny that while the girl herself is being ‘shamed’ nobody seems to be commenting on the boys receiving their fair share of shaming:


I apologise for the second one, I didn’t realise that ‘silent’ box was on the
screen, but it was basically a comment about it being ‘freezing’ in Magaluf, therefore explaining the small penis. So, the girl is getting shamed for her sexuality, supposedly, while the boys get shamed for their penis size. It’s all pretty fucked up, yet once again we are told of the victimisation of one person. Now, I’m not trying to say she hasn’t been shamed, because there are all manner of posts on Twitter calling her a slut, but I can’t find any posts explicitly calling the lads ‘heroes’. It’s an easy, quick, way to garner sympathy to roll out the ‘stud/slut’ argument when this sort of stuff happens.

The one major thing that seems to be underpinning this whole event is the idea of alcohol and consent. Treading into those murky waters is dangerous, particularly when it comes to women, alcohol and sex. I’ve written enough blogs on rape culture to know that, sometimes, even one drink is enough for feminists to claim a woman is not of sound enough mind to consent to any sexual act.

This video shows the girl was pretty loaded on alcohol. It also shows that all the boys were too, and pretty much everyone in the entire club. It does bring up the topic of alcohol and consent but, typically, the feminist narrative seems to be directing the argument towards one party and one party only: the girl.

It would be extremely neglectful of me if I didn’t appreciate, in some way, the effect this will have on the girl. Yeah, she fucked up, she made a fool of herself in front of a lot of people and had herself recorded while she was doing it. Was she coerced by the DJ and other people in the club? I can’t rule out that possibility, but was she the only one coerced? Clearly, she wasn’t.

I’m not going to link the video here, simply because I know, legally, there may be some investigation and I have no idea where I stand on those grounds, plus I don’t feel the need to share it around, other people are doing that. In the interest of research I have watched the video so I could see if it was as bad as people are making out.

It’s pretty bad. Not in a ‘OMG she was raped’ way, but it was the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen. Not that it was intended to be sexy, but you know what I mean. First of all, what she did can’t be considered a ‘blow job’. And that’s not coming from a macho ‘hur hur I’ve had better blow jobs off my cat’ kind of shit, I mean literally I wouldn’t call them blowjobs. She literally puts a guys dick in her mouth, gives it a quick coat of saliva and moves on. Imagine this: take your finger, stick it in your mouth until it hits the back of your throat (try not to be sick), take it out, then do it again. That’s what she did. The way the media are representing it is as if she was on her knees sucking them off until they came. I don’t think any of them came.

Anyway, point is it was a drunken fumble between a girl and a shitload of boys. Obviously the question of consent comes into it, particularly within the narrative of ‘rape culture’ but there’s an interesting perspective that pretty much every article that talks about this event seems to exclude:

Were the boys raped too?

This article was published on the Telegraph shortly after the story broke:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10945990/Magaluf-girl-How-far-would-you-go-for-a-free-drink.html

Obviously it deals with the concept of alcohol (I’d fucking ban it if I was in power, so it’s a good job I’m not) and coercion and peer pressure, but it also comes at it from the viewpoint solely of the girl.

For anyone who’s watched the video, it’s clear that not every one of the boys are willingly getting their cocks sucked. In fact, there are a handful who seem to be initially hesitant and one in particular who quite clearly has both hands on his shorts trying to stop other people, the girl included, pulling them down. Why are we talking about coercion simply from the female perspective when, clearly, we have seen a case of a willing girl performing a quick oral act on an unwilling boy? That’s why we’re in the mess we’re in when it comes to alcohol and sex, because we only see it as a gendered problem, we see it as victimisation of girls and girls alone. What do we say to that boy in the video who didn’t want to be part of it? Sorry, but your rape just isn’t important enough?

If we look at the idea of consent it throws up a whole minefield of unanswerable questions. It throws up a laundry list of questions that we can’t answer. And I don’t mean we can’t answer them because there is no answer, I mean we can’t answer them because it takes away the victimhood from the girl, it stops her from being a victim and actually places a modicum of responsibility on her. I don’t want to include feminism in this post too much because I feel this is beyond feminism, the second I start making posts about alcohol and sex and try to justify it by feminist standards is the day I end this blog. But the ideology of feminism does need to be brought up in this instance because it highlights some of the more hypocritical aspects of the movement.

The girl in the video was 18, she’s above the age of consent for both alcohol and sexual behaviour. Therefore, there should be absolutely no issue of what she did being illegal. In terms of sex and beer, she’s completely legal, in terms of people filming it, she’s completely legal. Of course, the matter of consent does come up when you stretch it out to ‘did she consent to be filmed and then have that film uploaded’ but, as far as I’m aware, there’s nothing you can do to prevent being filmed or photographed in a public space. The answer to that one is simple, if you don’t want to be filmed performing sex acts on 24 men then don’t do it in public.
When it comes to rape culture we get the buzzword ‘informed consent’. Did the girl in the video give informed consent? Was she able to? If we go by feminist rape standards then no she wasn’t. Technically, by ‘rape culture’ criteria, she was at least sexually assaulted, if not raped. But why? She was willing, she was the one who was finding cocks to suck, she was the one who pulled down a boy’s short who didn’t want to be part of it.

It’s because of the alcohol. As previously mentioned, some say that only one drink is necessary for women to be unable to give ‘informed consent’. As little as one drink can make a man a rapist. There’s one thought I can’t get out of my head though, one thing that keeps swimming round that won’t go away – if we claim, by rape culture criteria, that the girl is a victim of sexual assault or rape on account of the alcohol she’s consumed, no matter how much, then that means every single boy whose cock she sucked was also at least a victim of sexual assault. If a willing girl, on video, is shown to be the victim due to the alcohol she’s consumed, then what does it make the boy who didn’t want his shorts pulled down? If a willing girl is a rape victim because of alcohol, what does that make an unwilling boy?

Feminisms definition of rape suggests that women who are drunk cannot consent, but there is very little by way of applying that same set of standards to boys. James Taranto copped a shitload of flak (and a defense from me) when writing earlier in the year about this line of thinking. When it comes to drunken sex, especially among young people, we place all burden of responsibility on the man, even if he is showing an equal level of drunkenness. Why is that the case? It’s something I’ve yet to hear a good enough explanation for. Why is the burden of responsibility placed on a drunken man and completely removed from a drunken woman? This is an ideological movement that claims women are independent and strong, yet it doesn’t give them enough credit to allow them to make their own decisions and take responsibility for those decisions.

The girl in the video is 18. She’s old enough to drive, vote, drink alcohol and have sex, yet for some reason feminism dictates she is not responsible enough to make decisions while drunk. How is that empowering? How is that being strong and independent? It isn’t, it’s pathetic and infantilising and treats women as weak morons who are unable to cope with the aftermath of their decisions. The girls was old enough to drink, if she can’t handle the ramifications of what she does when she’s wasted then there’s a really simple solution – don’t drink. That’s being responsible, that’s being strong and independent, that’s noticing a character flaw you have and doing something about it. That’s what the majority of women are capable of. But no, according to feminists the fault is not with the girl, but with every other person, even the unwilling boys who felt pressured into letting their dicks get sucked.

Consent is such a murky topic that it’s of absolutely no benefit to try and treat women like moronic neoliths who are incapable of a) making decisions and b) dealing with the aftermath of those decisions.

When consent becomes a gendered issue it becomes impossible to police. ‘Rape Culture’ and rape hysteria do nothing to actually helping real rape victims. When a woman gets drunk and does something stupid, she needs to accept those consequences, the same way we expect men to. In a sense, she needs to ‘man up’.

If an intoxicated woman is abused while asleep or unconscious then that is rape, pure and simple. A drunk woman willingly going around a nightclub sucking off 24 men is not rape. If it is, then what does it say to that boy who wasn’t willing to get involved yet got his pants pulled down anyway, by the girl who was supposedly raped? It is such a ludicrous state of affairs that it’s hard to get your head around. A willing girl becomes a rape victim, what does an unwilling boy become? Forgotten.
Is there an element of coercion to this ordeal? Yes, the DJ being one of them, the others in the bar played their part as well. But, and it’s a big but (arf arf), there were a number of boys who were coerced as well, yet that seems to be glossed over in order to focus on the victimisation of the girl.

We need to educate our teenagers about drink and drugs and sex. We need to tell them that being careful and not over indulging in alcohol is important, we need to tell them that social pressures exist and social coercion is something they will deal with on a daily basis. I wish somebody would have told me that when I was 16 and drinking was the best way to fit in. We need to educate young people to be strong in their beliefs and not feel they need to get absolutely wasted in order to feel accepted or in order to feel a sense of belonging. I wish I had that sense, the strength to say no when I was 16.

What I’m saying is simple – Magaluf Girl was not raped, she was a willing participant in a rather sordid event that was captured on camera and put on the internet. I feel sorry for her, I truly do. I also feel sorry for that boy in the video who really was raped, and whose victimhood has been taken off him and placed on his rapist. She did something stupid while she was drunk. I have too much respect for her as a human being to try and apply a sense of victimhood that is not warranted.

This is why I’m so ardently against rape culture, particularly when alcohol is involved. We assume teenagers are responsible, mature and old enough to drink, but we somehow don’t see them as responsible enough to deal of the repercussions of the actions they perform whilst drunk, particularly girls. How does that work? How does that promote a society of anything other than victims? We give them all of the power, but none of the responsibility (wait, isn’t that a quote from Spider-man?). We treat them like adults, but then treat them like children and mollycoddle them when they do something a bit fucked up, how fucked is that?

How do I feel about the people who uploaded it? Well, they’re cunts. But, and this is important, cunts will be cunts, it’s the world we’ve created for ourselves. Cunts will do cuntish shit because they’re cunts. If you don’t want to be plastered on the internet then don’t do stupid shit in public while someone has the chance to record you. That’s the responsibility we should be teaching our teens, not telling them it wasn’t their fault when they make fools of themselves.

What about the people calling her a slut and the lads heroes? Well, those people are also cunts, but I’ve honestly yet to see that happen so it’s not something I feel I particularly need to mention.

Would I still date the girl? Yeah, of course. I don’t see her as damaged goods simply because she did something stupid while she was drunk. I’d be a bit wary of her going on a night out in future, but that’d be it.

This should be a brilliant starting point for discussions about alcohol and the muddy waters of drunken consent. Unfortunately, until we stop relating all these discussions back to ‘rape culture’ as a way of absolving responsibility from drunk girls doing stupid shit we can’t have that discussion.

We need to break the monopoly feminism has on rape, until that point we will continue to see situations like this. By the feminist’s own standards, Magaluf Girl raped a boy, yet she still turns out to be the victim? How the fuck did that happen?!

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Comments
  1. Mel says:

    There was not one guy there trying to keep his shorts on… in fact they had all already taken them off. Did they take advantage? Yes. Is the girl a complete moron with no brain? Yes. I like to think of myself as sex positive but there are reasons condoms are widely available and there are reasons you don’t go putting your mouth around any ol dirty thing. And guys… really? why would you?

    • johnsalmon86 says:

      Then me and you have watched entirely different videos, because in the one I saw there is, clearly, one boy who has a tight grip on his waistband and it is the girl, and a couple of others, who force him to pull his shorts down. There were also at least 2 others who were convinced by the people around them to drop their shorts.

      You ask why the guys would do it? Same reason the girl did it – alcohol.

  2. Zodak says:

    “in vino veritas”
    the alcohol just lowered her inhibitions enough to do what she already wanted to do. nobody forced her & this isn’t an anomaly. this “game” happens over there all the time, enough that it is well-known. because there are plenty of girls who do it. it’s only news because it’s a young tourist. don’t feel sorry for someone making decisions on their own.

    sucking 24 dicks is not something that “just happens”

    • johnsalmon86 says:

      I’ve heard a lot of things about these types of holidays, makes me so glad I’ve never been on one before. I agree, alcohol just magnifies your decisions to do stupid shit. I’ve seen enough drunken antics at university to know that. The unfortunate thing here is that she decided to do it in a public place and got recorded.

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