Rape Culture – when female on male rape is ‘regrettable’.

Posted: May 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

Yep, you guessed it, it’s time for a rape boner! Rapey rape mcrape!! (For those who are utterly confused, and probably a little disgusted, you need to read this blog first to understand where ‘rape boner’ comes from: https://johnsalmonsworld.wordpress.com/2014/04/10/25-everyday-examples-of-rape-culture-an-exploration/)

We hear a lot about ‘rape culture’:

In fact, rape seems to be a major discussion point in this blog, I’m constantly writing about it, and I’m constantly defending why I write about it. I’m always having to explain and justify my views on rape, how I think it’s abhorrent, one of the worst crimes you could commit, always having to try not to sound like an insensitive, victim-blaming cunt.

So why do I constantly harp on about rape? Surely I’m as bad as the feminists who harp on about rape constantly? I do it because I feel like we are moving towards a culture that truly is trivialising rape, just not in the way feminists claim. I fear we will soon live in a culture where any sexual act initiated by a man can, somehow, some way, be called rape. I fear we will soon be in a culture where male sexuality is demonised to the point that sex can only be initiated by women, and anything else is automatically rape. I also flat out refuse to believe we currently live in a ‘rape culture’, as my refutation in the linked blog above demonstrates.

Of course, I know enough sane, open-minded people who think the above idea is absurd, and who agree that there is no real ‘rape culture’, but it appears every day I am now being made aware of some new sexual practice that is classed as rape.

Rape is a horrible crime, but we shouldn’t let that cloud the way we speak about it as an act. I think consent is a massively important concept to talk about, especially when it comes to what actually constitutes sex and what constitutes rape. The movement towards ‘enthusiastic consent’, as seems to be the new buzzword, only tends to further blur the lines between rape and consent.

The problem is that consent, to some degree, is entirely subjective, to other degrees it’s entirely objective. Saying “no” when someone tries to have sex with you is a pretty clear-cut sign that you don’t want to have sex, anyone who carries on regardless can fairly be said to be a rapist.

The problems become apparent when ‘enthusiastic consent’ isn’t apparent. When people are in a relationship they know when they are in the mood, they know when their partners are in the mood. When I was with my girlfriend at University I don’t think I ever once asked her if she wanted sex, even when we did it the first time, it was a natural, fluid progression of events. I would hate to think that, in some way, I could be considered a rapist because of the way we went about it.

I’m not saying people can’t be raped within in a relationship, just that the parameters are different. It’s also slightly different considering there are statistics out there that show women do engage in ‘token resistance’, which I believe is a slightly more professional way of ‘playing hard to get’, that is, pretending they don’t want sex when they really do; they just want their partner to work harder at it.

The whole point of this is not to try and disregard rape, or say that every act is rape, just that it’s impossible, and ridiculous, to try and apply a blanket coverage, a blanket definition, of what is or isn’t consent. If consent is not ‘enthusiastic’, but instead is give non-verbal suggestions, or verbal cues that aren’t words (moans and such) does it make it any less consent? Or are we going to find ourselves in a position where sex will become robotic and machine-like with constant reassurances needed that the parties involved are ‘still in the mood’.

Of course, as with everything that pertains to rape and sex, there still exists a double standard. I don’t watch much TV, but there is a definitely a massive difference in the way the following two rapes were reported on:



And that’s the problem. The ‘gray rape’ scene from Girls generated a massive discussion and ‘perpetuated rape culture’ due to the nature of the act performed and the fact the female involved did not enjoy the act, that it seemed cruel rather than consensual.

Of course, contrast that with the man being raped by the female and it is either glossed over or presented as some kind of male fantasy, a Graduate-esque seducing of a willing male by an experienced female. Double standard? Of course, because male rape isn’t taken seriously, even when it’s a character as well known as Don Draper.

I haven’t seen either scene, but the fact they were reported in such different ways only proves that if a ‘rape culture’ does exist then perhaps we are looking at the wrong section of society. At what point does it become a ‘rape culture’ if an ambiguous sex scene generates as much discussion as the ‘gray rape’ scene (or indeed any episode of Game of Thrones), yet a clear male rape scene is passed over completely, or told from the perspective of ‘score for the young boy’?

But, what’s feminism got to do with this? Well, it’s feminism that is adamant we live in this ‘rape culture’, this society that normalises rape, trivialises it, makes it acceptable and furthers the ‘war on women’.

The issue with this rape culture is simple; it only ever focuses on those examples of women being raped by men, or men being raped by men in order to solidify the ‘sexual violence is a male problem’. The appreciation or consideration of two other groups of victims; namely male victims of female rapists and, indeed, female victims of female rapists, are completely left out of the discourse.

Why? Because the fact the two above crimes even exist, or that they exist with similar frequency to male on female rape, absolutely shatters the feminist dogma about rape culture. We know that female on male rape does happen, yet we ignore it. We know female on female rape happens, yet there is so little literature on the subject that it’s almost an invisible crime, one that nobody dares admit. The fact the above two crimes exist but don’t form a part of ‘rape culture’ means I can’t seriously take ‘rape culture’ to be anything other than another cherry-picking exercise by feminists to show just how ‘oppressed’ they are.

But, back to female on male rape. There’s an annual awards ceremony called the Gloria Awards, named after Gloria Steinem. It’s funded by the Ms Foundation, an offshoot of Ms Magazine, a very feminist publication. That’s important to know when this little story unfolds.

At a recent ceremony, comedian Amy Schumer gave a speech about gaining confidence and letting go of the past. Of course, this being a feminist awards ceremony her speech went down a treat. Luckily there’s a transcript of it for all to read:


The introductory paragraph contains the following:

Amy Schumer gave one too, covering regrettable sexual encounters, crises of confidence, body-image issues, Sam Cooke, and being one’s own fairy godmother.

The key section here is ‘regrettable sexual encounters’.

Now, I would like to highlight a certain section from her speech, specifically dealing with that ‘regrettable sexual encounter’:

He’s fucking wasted

Do I even need to explain this? Apparently, a girl having any amount of alcohol means she cannot give any form on meaningful consent, yet Schumer describes this man as ‘wasted’ and the author of the article has the absolute temerity to call it a ‘regrettable sexual encounter’? Wow, feminism perpetuating rape culture? How deliciously hypocritical!

Let’s have a look at some more of this ‘regrettable sexual encounter’:

But I was here, and I wanted to be held and touched and felt desired, despite everything. I wanted to be with him. I imagined us on campus together, holding hands, proving, “Look! I am lovable! And this cool older guy likes me!” I can’t be the troll doll I’m afraid I’ve become.

We tried kissing. His 9 a.m. shadow was scratching my face — I knew it’d look like I had fruit-punch mouth for days after

And then came the sex, and I use that word very loosely. His penis was so soft, it felt like one of those de-stress things that slips from your hand? So he was pushing aggressively into my thigh, and during this failed penetration, I looked around the room to try and distract myself or God willing, disassociate. What’s on the wall? A Scarface poster, of course. Mandatory. Anything else? That’s it? This Irish-Catholic son of bank teller who played JV soccer and did Mathletes feels the most connection with a Cuban refugee drug lord. The place looked like it was decorated by an overeager set designer who took the note “temporary and without substance” too far.

He started to go down on me. That’s ambitious, I think. Is it still considered getting head if the guy falls asleep every three seconds and moves his tongue like an elderly person eating their last oatmeal?

Let’s put this in layman’s terms – she was so desperate for human interaction that she had sex (or at least attempted) with a guy who she herself describes as ‘wasted’. According to the feminists own definition, this was a cast iron example of rape. Simple as, no hesitation, not questions, no ambiguities. Amy Schumer raped a man.

Which leads me to this article:


Yes, Amy Schumer raped a man, and a feminist audience lapped it up and filed it squarely in the ‘chalk one up for confidence box’.

What they really mean is – “don’t let the fact you raped a guy hold you back, you’re still a victim of his patriarchal desires, you’re a strong confident woman who deserves better.”

And they have the nerve to say we live in a culture that normalises rape towards women. They have the temerity to claim men are potential rapists, or that women who falsely accuse men are still victims because they do time for ‘being raped without being touched’:


They have the nerve to pontificate on what does and doesn’t constitute rape culture while they sit in a room full of other feminists and actively ignore, or even worse endorse, a woman who rapes a man because it allowed her to see her inner confidence?

But what’s this got to do with feminism? Well, Ms Magazine is a feminist publication, the Gloria Awards are named after a massively prominent feminist, I don’t think I’m going too far out on a limb to suggest most of the people attending are either feminists or feminist-leaning.

One helpful link provided in the article just above leads us to this story:


What’s interesting in this story is the parallels to Amy Schumer’s story:

But it was 3 am, I was drunk beyond comprehension, and I never said yes.

I remember laying on my back while he and his whiskey dick had sex with my unresponsive, near-asleep body, all the while praying for it to be over. When he finished (on my chest, I might add), I shoved him off of me. I asked him to leave, and immediately threw up in my trash can. I stood in the shower for an hour and still couldn’t get the dirty feeling off. I cried for hours. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, and attributed it to “being drunk and emotional”. I didn’t tell my friends.

An almost identical situation, yet this time it’s the girl who was drunk. She’s the one who ‘gave him the eye’, much like it was the man in Schumer’s story that called her in the early hours.

The man in Schumer’s ‘experience’ fell asleep; the woman in the above story was ‘near-asleep’.

Comparatively, it was a similar experience, yet the story told from the woman’s perspective is horrific. It tells of the 3 year struggle she had to come to terms with it, the fact she couldn’t reconcile the act with rape because she had no injuries. It tells of the fact she was instantly sick after act, yet it took her an innumerate amount of time to really assimilate what had happened. It took her reading other stories of survivors for her to really admit what had happened.

The story told from the man’s perspective is, unsurprisingly, just a way for us to learn about empowerment, about body issues and about confidence. In short, it’s a nanobite of information, a way for us to feel even more sympathy for the speak, a well known comedian. It’s a way for us to really get into her headspace, how she thought sex was a way of feeling loved and comforted and desired, how the act was only a way for her to feel the warmth of another human. Basically, this ‘regrettable sexual encounter’ is an inconsequential anecdote, a signpost, a stopping point on the way to learning how she overcame this ordeal, the ordeal of raping someone, in order to become a better woman.

That’s right, in both of these stories we are lead to sympathise for the woman, we are lead to see the woman as the victim.

One is raped, we feel sympathy for her, as we rightly should, we feel for her and her journey of self discover, we see the resilience in her character, we see how she’s suffered, we give her our all in finding redemption and peace.

One is a rapist, and I can’t bring myself to type the same words again.

The headline of the article about the female victim states:

My Rapist Doesn’t Know He’s A Rapist (Because My Culture Hasn’t Taught Him He Is One)

If our culture doesn’t teach our men and boys what rape is, despite the numerous, offensive, campaigns, the numerous posters, the numerous feminists that tell men and boys they are inherently rapists:


then what type of culture do we live in when it comes to female rapists? If it’s ‘rape culture’ to demonise men and boys simply because they are men and boys, then what the fuck kind of culture do we live in when female rapists become the victims, when their stories of rape become a smaller part of a bigger story about confidence and self-esteem and how they managed to break from the chains of oppression and the beauty within themselves?

There is a very telling quote from that second story that just shows the utter hypocrisy and absolutely horror of feminist ‘rape culture’:

Drunkenness is not an excuse for rape; it’s an alibi.

Drunkenness is not an excuse for rape, unless you’re a female doing the raping.

Feminism, you disgust me!


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