Bowed but unbroken: how the MHRM nearly tore me apart.

Posted: April 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’ve made mention in the past, lots of times, about how much I love writing this blog, about how much I hate feminism and what it’s doing to modern society, about how I will always highlight men’s issues in relation to the twisted spiel of feminism narrative. Yet, recently I feel more and more like I don’t belong in the MHRM.

I’ve debated whether or not to publish this particular blog entry for a good while now. I feel like I need to get it off my chest, I feel like there are some things I do want to say, but at the same time I really don’t want to alienate the fantastic people that I’ve become good friends with through my association with the MHRM. I don’t want to belittle a movement that has been so important to me over the past year or so, but at the same time I can’t sit back any longer and not comment on some of the more insidious elements to the movement.

I took a break from being John Salmon, as I mentioned in my last blog entry on objectification. No Facebook posts, no blog entries for a couple of weeks, no real communication with any of the MHRM groups or people, even kind of abandoning the admin post I have on one of the groups. To those people, I apologise.

I needed the break, I needed to get away, I honestly couldn’t bear to long in to John Salmon’s account. I carried on posting on my real account; I carried on my life as normal. I tried to get back to life before John Salmon, before the MHRM, before the ‘red pill’ moment.

Why?

2 reasons, 1) I began to get incredibly disillusioned with the MHRM as a whole, and 2) my personal life suffered massively.

The MHRM has been both a blessing and a curse for me recently. Without it I’m sure I’d still be existing within that fog of denial and confusion I’ve talked about in previous blogs. I have a lot to thank the MHRM for: the support when I wrote my article about being sexually assaulted (by feminist definitions anyway), the friendships I’ve forged, the general feedback this blog receives, the confidence it’s given me to start talking about men’s issues in my real life, the overall acceptance into the movement. That last one is massively important, especially considering, for all the praise and comments on my ‘reputation’, I’m still an anonymous nobody who could be lying about everything.

But, as that ‘reputation’ (and I use reputation lightly, as I’m one small ripple in the ocean of men’s rights) grows, as the number of views and shares this blog gets, as the number of Facebook friends grows (now standing at 200) so too does my discomfort with the whole movement.

There are some wonderful people on my Facebook friends list, some truly wonderful people, who really care about men’s rights. Both men and women, men and women who have the sense, the intelligence, the ability to debate and talk openly and freely about issues that affect men (and women), those who are capable of seeing differing viewpoints and, in some cases, changing their own viewpoints in light of new evidence.

However, there are also some absolute morons within the movement. Now, I’m not one to try and tell people how to behave, or dictate how their life should be, and I’m painfully aware that some men in the movement have had their lives ruined by women, but this isn’t about those people. This is about those men, and some women, who are, to me, the embodiment of everything that is wrong with the MHRM. These are the people who, again in my eyes, are simply the MHRM equivalent of feminists – generalising, derogatory, negative, hypocritical, sexist pieces of shit who really don’t bring anything worthwhile to the movement.

These are the type of people who see one story about a woman doing something deplorable and use the opportunity to tear down every woman on the planet. Those who seem to take pleasure in seeing a woman do something horrible, like they are using it as an excuse to spit their own vile opinions.

These are the same people that call out feminism for its generalising and tarring of men with the same brush, the same people who throw the ‘not all men are like that’ argument out there and then proceed to generalise every single woman by the acts of the few. Fucking hypocrites like those piss me off, and drive me further away from the movement.

Newsflash – men can be absolute animals as well. The point of the MRHM (or at least I hope) is not to try and paint all women as monsters and all men as victims, its aims are not to twist the world view into the opposite of what we have now, with an unflinching men=perpetrators/women=victims paradigm, it’s simply about bringing to light the hypocrisy, double-standards and genuine issues that mainstream media seem to either ignore or not care about. And yes, those issues are generally downplayed by feminism, whether directly or simply as a result of the culture it creates.

There are so many feminists out there who use the ‘not all feminists are like that’ excuse to try and absolve themselves of any link to the radicals within their movement, yet it’s rare to see them actually doing anything to call out the ones who do make their movement look bad. I don’t want that to be levelled at me at any point, so right here, right now, I’m calling out all the morons within the MHRM. All the hypocrites who use the MHRM as an excuse to generalise women then go on to bitch when feminists do the same thing, all the morons who think women don’t deserve, or are incapable, to do ‘manly’ things in either sports or employment or music or any other area, I don’t like you , I think you damage the movement on mens rights more than you can possibly comprehend.

If that upsets some people within the MHRM then I couldn’t give a fuck, I didn’t become part of it to toe the company line, I became part of it because I want to try and make a difference, expose the double standards and hypocrisy that stop men and boys from speaking out. I don’t have an aversion to women, I am quite able to distinguish between the type of women who commit some atrocious acts, or have princess mentalities, and those who are level-headed and open-minded, the same way I can with men. For those who are interested (and I don’t care whether that’s one or one hundred) I am, and have been for nearly a year, hopelessly, madly, head-over-heels in love with a woman I used to work with, to the point I now rarely speak to her as it’s too painful. Yeah, I’m that sad. The point of the MRHM, for me, is to try and promote true equality, not to simply try and demonise women.

While everything above more of a problem with the MHRM itself, it managed to affect me in other ways. The constant negativity began to actually seep in to my real life.

 

In the last month or two I’ve been away from Facebook (aside from the last week) and I’ve written one entry on this blog in the same amount of time. The above comments on the MHRM are the primary reason for this break. I needed to get away, by trying to dissolve the negative thoughts feminism had implanted in my brain, I’d replaced them with equally negative thoughts coming from the MHRM.

I mentioned this picture in an article about Stephen McCann:

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y472/johnsalmonworld/nietzsche_zpsca5e1167.jpg

The more time I spend as John Salmon the more I’m drawn back to that abyss, drawn back to the hatred and negativity. So much negativity and pessimism. It got to the point that I just hated everything: my job, my flat, my entire life and everyone in it. I couldn’t see the value in anything or anyone.

It took something of an intervention by 3 people to make me realise just how different I’d become. My sister, first of all, decided to tell me, pretty abruptly, that my cynicism had pretty much taken over and eradicated my optimism. She’s always known me as a bit of a grump, but she said I used to have a spark, a sense of humour, a little bit of energy and fire; that was gone. I’m really close to my sister, so to hear it from her hurt. A lot. But I was too stubborn to listen.

Then my best friend, a man who I love with everything I have, who I consider a brother and someone who can keep my moral compass pretty straight, told me my texts to him were getting more and more pessimistic.

No matter, two people who are close to me, of course they’re going to notice changes, that’s what happens when your outlook on life changes, when you realise that life isn’t all rainbows and lollipops and unicorns and shit like that, so I disregarded it.

Then I nearly lost my job.

Without going into specifics (because it’s none of your business and I’m thoroughly embarrassed by how far I’d fallen) I was asked by the deputy head (the man who had overseen my interview and who, ultimately had been the deciding factor in me getting the job) to see him for a short meeting. To make a long story short, my performance as a teacher was sub-par. You have no idea the shame that ran through my body as I was told that I needed to make changes to the way I approached my job.

He didn’t explicitly state it, but I know that he was questioning his decision to hire me. The endless cycle of negativity I went through every day, the early mornings, the tough classes, the journey to and from work, getting back home and checking Facebook to be greeted with another story of some horror committed by a man or a woman, the comments from narrow-minded people, it really got to me.

That was the kick up the arse I needed. I had to break that cycle or it would totally tear me apart. After that meeting I had a very quiet afternoon, but I was questioning my desire to stay in teaching. Teaching is the only thing I know how to do. I left Uni, took a year out, then went straight back and got my teaching degree. I don’t know what else I’m good at, yet the car journey home (about  45 minute commute) that night was spent pondering my future.

I went straight to my parent’s house that night and spent an hour and a half speaking with my mum, herself a teacher for nearly 40 years. I spent most of that time trying not to cry. I couldn’t decide if it was because of the embarrassment of that meeting with the deputy head, or me accepting my career was over. After an hour and a half it became clear that my career wasn’t over. I still wanted to teach, but something had to give, something was weighing me down and stopping me from doing my job properly: the MHRM.

The whole point of this entry isn’t some sob story, it’s just an account of how the MHRM is not the magic answer to feminisms indoctrination. It helps, it really does, but as with anything there is a level of moderation needed. I can’t be John Salmon all the time, I have to be the real me as well. I forgot that, completely forgot it, and it cost me. It cost me three months of my life. It caused me to be miserable. I don’t want to be miserable. I remember a time when I loved my life. I’ve spent most of this year so far hating it. My job is hard enough as it is, I don’t need an endless cycle of negativity driving me further down.

My point is very simple: find a happy medium. Yes, women commit some horrendous crimes and generally serve less time in prison for it, but that doesn’t mean that men don’t get away with lenient sentences as well. Yes, women do benefit from double standards, but that doesn’t mean men don’t benefit from some double standards as well. I don’t try and claim that women are never victimised and men always are, I simply try and point out instances where double standards and hypocrisies are more accepted when peddled by a feminist majority. That’s it.

So where do I stand now? If there’s a line, and feminism and the MRHM occupy either end, I stand firmly in the middle, leaning more towards the MHRM but keeping a distance that ensures I don’t get sucked back into the cycle again.

Men suck, women suck too. Men can be wonderful, women can be wonderful too. Don’t lose sight of that. I did, and it nearly cost me everything.

Bowed, but unbroken.

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Comments
  1. “These are the people who, again in my eyes, are simply the MHRM equivalent of feminists – generalising, derogatory, negative, hypocritical, sexist pieces of shit who really don’t bring anything worthwhile to the movement.” <—- Yes, this.

    Dude, you've gotta see if you can get an interview with Girl Writes What or Stefan Molyneux or someone like that! I'm CERTAIN they'd love to chat about exactly what this article is about.

    "If that upsets some people within the MHRM then I couldn’t give a fuck"

    Respect mate. There's no point fighting a war where you become the thing you're fighting against.

    *******

    Additional note: I see the battle between the sexes to be a false dichotomy. There's no need to stand in the middle, but only to expand the context so that the division of gender no longer exists. Sure, there are differences, just as there are between ALL individuals, but that's just it, we're all different. Assigning class/race/gender/sexuality serves only to divide people further apart. Recognising that we're all human individuals is what keeps me sane, and out of the "war". A war where the only winners are the media and political parasites who profit by sensationalising it and making new laws.

    Circumvent that shit. Step out of the game, but continue to expose the bullshit WHEREVER you see it. 🙂 You already do that, and that's what makes you great.

    Here are some (slightly edited for privacy) words of wisdom given to me from a friend when I asked the question: "How can I stop HATING (her) everything!??" as it was completely overcoming me after my separation.

    "[Rusty] this is not something I should make any comments on as I have utterly zero experience in that department, but I will say that [another contributor's] words are wise indeed. The best mental salve for curing that feeling is to draw forth to muster that inner independent guy I know is in there. Use him to focus your thoughts and efforts, through discipline, thought and control, upon taking the moral high ground. No matter how much emotion is tearing you up inside, suppress (not REpress) those emotions as presented to the outside world. Remain cool as the proverbial cucumber and unmoved/unaffected by emotion in all dealings in that area of interaction. Make sure those dealings always present you as the bigger person, even be magnanimous as much as possible. Observe and relish the discomfort this opposite-from-expected reaction disturbs the perpetrator and upsets their game. Begin to focus your mental energy on *pride* in your moral, approach in the face of all attacks. The self-esteem that builds from developing success at this control becomes a self-fueling feedback loop that makes you feel good and drives out the hate. Despite the perpetrator pretending not to notice, it will be driving them nuts as they get frustrated at their inability to move your Rock of Gibraltar fairness and honesty. They will try ever harder to get the desired response from you. Don’t give it. Give more calmness, peace, honesty, and magnanimity to each escalation. This turns the tables and puts YOU in control of the game. As the frustrated perpetrator resorts to ever more bizarre and childish escalations in failed attempts to get the desired response from you, they eventually look very ridiculous to the rest of the world and their strategy will implode. Just sayin’. – Arctic Cat"

    ~ Rusty

  2. frankdavenport says:

    Yea I squirm a little when i see some of the men and women talking the way they do within the MHRM. I no longer align myself with ‘movements’ they’ve too often nearly damaged my life. I now simply keep an interest in genuine men’s issues and genuine women’s issues and do my research

  3. ayamsirias says:

    Go MGTOW.

  4. It is nice to know that there are men who feel this way about their movement as well. I cannot stand the women who have double standards. I can’t stand the feminist that screams that all men are evil. Then you have those that later go on to tell you just how wonderful their husband is. But wait you were just trying to get me to join your march for feminism and were telling me all men are evil. Unfortunately I found your post through one of those people you were talking about in this post but I am glad I found it none the less.

    • johnsalmon86 says:

      Regardless of how you got here, thank you for reading and commenting. WordPress doesn’t let me see who shares these entries, or in what context, so it’s good to see you came here anyway, even if it wasn’t presented as something positive.

  5. erinpizzey says:

    I feel for you. Many people get burned out with the horror and frustration of it all. I too have moments, days months of despair but in the end all I can do is try to love people better. I block anyone who maligns men or women because at the end of all the arguments domestic violence is not a gender issue it is a family issue the violence paapsses fro none generation to another. People have wasted their time blaming eCh other when the real issue is that we all need to work together. Today’s abused children will be tomorrow’s violent parents and so it goes on.

    • johnsalmon86 says:

      Thanks Erin, it’s definitely hard to see some of the atrocious things people are capable of doing. I tried to be as open as possible, no blocking people or censoring them or deciding not to accept their friend request because they disagree with their opinion, but I think that may need to change.

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