Archive for April, 2014

A month or so ago I wrote a blog on objectification, or, more importantly, how we only ever seem to see objectification of women. If you want to read it, it’s here:

Though it’s not essential reading in order to understand this particular entry, it does outline nicely the way I feel about the current objectification minefield. I’m going to assume you read it and I don’t have to repeat myself too much.

I will say this – objectification is fine. I honestly don’t have any problems with it. As I said in the earlier blog, I do have problems when simply appreciation of human beauty crosses the line into harassment, either verbal or physical, but the act of objectification is not a problem in my eyes. If we can’t appreciate the beauty of fellow human beings, both men and women, then I wonder how on earth we are supposed to develop an attraction to each other.

That’s one thing that is constantly at the front of my mind when I hear someone droning on about objectification, and it’s a question I asked a feminist (or at least someone who displayed feminist tendencies) recently, only to be met with silence: at what point does sexual attraction become objectification, and how does one develop an attraction without objectifying?

It seems that, in 2014, simply saying a woman is attractive is some form of oppressive objectification. As a man, I’m constantly shamed for my looking at a woman, then shamed because I’m not man enough to make the first move on a woman. It’s absolutely insane. I can’t win, I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I was to see a woman in a bar, how am I supposed to evaluate my attraction to her on anything other than her appearance? What else have I got to go on?

At what point does sexual attraction become objectification? And why is sexual attraction such an inherently negative thing? Yes, like I’ve said, harassment is not cool, but I’m not talking about harassment. I’m talking about the moment a woman (or man) walks into the room for the first time and takes your breath away. I’m talking about the first time you look into someone’s eyes and get lost. I’m talking about the first time you make an absolute fool out of yourself in front of a beautiful woman because her beauty distracts you. Isn’t that, like, what romantic comedies are made of? When did it become so bad in real life?

Look, I’m short, overweight, ginger and quite hairy, I don’t get objectified much. Maybe that’s my problem, maybe I’m just jealous or something. Maybe I just crave attention because, when it finally does happen to me, usually by drunken, middle aged woman, I see it as a positive, something that reaffirms my own attractiveness, something that, finally, convinces me I’m not the slightly uglier brother of a Morlock. (If you don’t know what a Morlock is, shame on you!)

All hyperbole aside, there must be some reason that objectification is seen as such a massive topic of discussion, particularly when it’s women? And there must be some reason that objectification of men, despite now being just as frequent as objectification of women, is ignored or brushed under the carpet, particularly by feminists? I highlighted a few examples in the previous blog of men being objectified not just sexually but for other things as well, namely their wealth and influence, just to show that objectification is not simply down to being made in to a se object.

I want to highlight some more examples of sexual objectification of men, for no other reason than to show that it does happen.

The thing is, it’s claimed that women have been objectified for years, particularly in the film industry. This is where the feminists have it wrong. Yes, women have been objectified for their looks, you only have to think of Marilyn Monroe and other Hollywood starlets to see that, but the idea that men have never been objectified is ludicrous. As I mentioned on the previous blog, objectification of wealth, power and influence of men has been de rigueur for decades. You only have to look at one of the most enduring icons of cool, James Bond, to see plain objectification:

You see, objectification, in one form or another, has been around as long as the film industry, we just seem to not see it when men are objectified.

So, when we see feminist sites like Jezebel publish articles like this:

It pretty much highlights everything I think about the feminist movement: they actively desire to place women as victims. When men are ‘victimised’ through objectification, feminists can’t help themselves, they can’t deny that they love the way a man’s body looks, yet try to play it away by saying it’s a new phenomenon. It really isn’t, that’s just a way for feminists like those at Jezebel to enjoy looking at a man’s body without having to acknowledge the rampant hypocrisy within their own movement that, seemingly, wants to see women as victims and only as victims.

What about the trusty firefighter meme:

And just to show that women firefighters don’t get left out:

I thought I’d show the picture as part of the Facebook status I took it from because, funnily enough, it was written by a woman. Yep, a woman doing something natural and objectifying a group of women, shock horror!

The thing that really bugs me is the way in which objectification of men is accepted and, in some cases, actively endorsed. Like, for example, Zac Efron having his shirt ripped open on stage at a recent awards ceremony (fuck if I know which one):

It bugs me because there is absolutely no way in which the reverse would be acceptable. The fact is, Zac Efron made no effort to show he was willing to take his shirt off, yet Rita Ora decided it was perfectly acceptable to tear his shirt open without his permission. Why is that acceptable? Yeah, Efron made the best of a bad situation by taking it off completely, but that’s not the point. And before you start with ‘but he was already showing his body off by having the top button undone, he was just asking for it’, I’ll counter with ‘but she was wearing a short skirt, she deserved to be raped’. Yeah, not very acceptable is it.

Or how about Efron’s recent appearance on Graham Norton, where it was made into a little nugget of comedy where women were actively encouraged to objectify him on his body and nothing else: (the fun starts at around the 4 minute mark.)

Can you imagine if men had been actively encouraged to objectify a woman on Graham Norton? In fact, the week before this particular show, we had to suffer Cameron Diaz going all ‘for the wimmins’ when talking about pubic hair and the ‘beauty standards’ all women felt the need to adhere to. Apparently, women’s bodies are to be left alone, men’s bodies are to be leered at. Who knew?

But let’s leave sexual objectification alone for a few minutes and move on to something else: general objectification and how it is possibly the worst thing you could do to a woman, bordering on harassment and being just downright creepy:

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, it’s only creepy and harassment when it’s happening to women. In fact, this hilarious happenstance of hypocrisy is made even more enjoyable when you realise the above story is on Buzzfeed. The story claims taking pictures of women who eat on the tube is creepy and unnecessary. Yet, on the very same site, admittedly by a different author but that’s not really relevant, there’s this little packet of piousness:

And then, just to add insult to injury, here’s another little secret that the feminists don’t seem to want to talk about:

Yep, taking pictures of women eating is apparently creepy and unnecessary and makes women fearful of taking public transport (feminists claiming something makes women scared? Surely not!), but taking pictures of men, solely for the purpose of embarrassing them for the amount of room they take up, or to objectify them solely on their looks, is perfectly acceptable. Nice work, feminism!

If you want to show how much this issue is not gender-specific then there are sites like this, actively showing people, not just men but people, taking up too much room:

Or how about women only wanting to date men taller than themselves:

Is that not as sexist as men only wanting to date women with big boobs? I don’t see that being at the forefront of the feminist whinge machine.

As I said in the first blog, I have no problem with people, men and women, objectifying others. It’s a natural way of life. Despite the claims of feminists, everybody objectifies someone at some point. Whether that’s on initial looks, sexual availability, wealth, power, influence or any other reason it’s not something that is inherently discriminatory, nor is it inherently gender specific. The problem is that there is still a double standard. Objectification of women is still seen as some horrendous patriarchal act designed only to suppress women and judge them only by their bodies, yet objectification of men is either ignored or made out to simply be ‘about time’ in the merry-go-round of who is discriminated against most. As Karen Straughn (I believe) said, if this is the Oppression Olympics, objectification of women has been around since the first modern games, objectification of men is a new addition. Of course, that’s rubbish, objectification has been around, and will continue to be around, for years.

I’m tired of being shamed for saying ‘wow, she’s beautiful’. I’m tired of being shamed for trying not to objectify a woman, then being told I need to ‘man up’ and make the first approach. I’m tired of being told that women don’t want to be approached when out and about, then being shamed for not making the first move when a woman was giving me ‘the eye’.

When an openly feminist site revels in the ‘new’ trend of men being judged on their bodies, while other feminist sites actively trounce men for objectifying women who eat on tubes, while actively endorsing those sites who objectify men in order to shame them for the amount of room they take up, you can see why feminism is pretty much becoming a laughing stock.

‘We despise men who objectify women, but we do love the look of a toned man.’ Score another win for feminism.

I’d like to start this particular entry with a quick announcement. I’ve created a page on Facebook to share all these entries. I’m very happy with the exposure it’s getting, and I have a lot of people to thank for that, namely the guys at Anti White-Knight Coalition and I Don’t Need Feminism who are regular promoters of this blog, and for the guys at Exposing Feminism for letting me post these directly to their site. I won’t stop the way I post them at the moment, it just provides another way of getting this blog out there, and gives me a nice ego boost in the process. So go and check it out, give it a like and a share. I won’t be posting many status updates, mainly just links to these entries.

Anyway, with that said, on with the show:

Privilege, it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot in these modern times. Generally speaking, it’s used as a way to silence people. It’s used as a way to try and discredit an opposing view. It’s used as a way of somehow claiming an argument is not valid, particularly if you can’t disagree with what is being said. It’s a tool regularly employed by feminists to shame men who comment on womens issues.

I’m not a fan of dictionary definitions, I’ve made it clear how I think words change and evolve over time. You only have to look at the dictionary definition of feminism, and then compare it to feminism in practice, to see how words and meanings change. However, I’m going to link to the dictionary definition of privilege, because I think, in this case, it does still hold some relevance:

You see, the key word in all of those definitions is ‘person/s’ (or, in one case, ‘individual’). The way that the word privilege is thrown around today, especially by feminists, is to insinuate that all men are privileged and all men take advantage of that privilege to silence women. In the same way, no women are ever privileged, ever. It becomes such that, no matter what a man says, if it doesn’t match the feminist rhetoric then he’s ‘blinded’ by privilege.

This is problematic for 2 reasons: 1) it completely ignores that fact that privilege, generally, applies to people, not groups. One man being privileged does not make all men privileged. 2) it completely ignores the fact that, for similar reasons to number 1, some women not being privileged does not mean all women are free from privilege. It’s so much more difficult a concept to define than simply saying ‘men have privilege by concept of being male’ whereas women ‘don’t have privilege at all’. Feminism has lead women to believe that they do not benefit from any privilege, whereas men are so blinded by their own privilege that they don’t even realise it.

Nowhere is that better demonstrated than this article I came across the other day:

It’s a list of 18 ways that women benefit in modern society, possibly without even realising it. Now, it’s no secret I think modern feminism is full of victims, it’s a movement that is intent on making women the sufferers of every known ill on the planet. If there’s a situation that is pretty horrendous all round, well it must impact women worse because of some reason or another. The financial crisis, global warming, etc, etc. No matter that everyone is suffering in one way or another, feminism always finds a way to make women suffer more. That’s insulting to those women who aren’t enveloped in victimhood.

Unfortunately, it seeps into everyday life. It seeps into the pores, the fabric of society and, perhaps without even knowing it, even if they don’t self-identify as feminists, women can still find a way to make themselves the victims.

It doesn’t help that feminists create this culture of fear, this culture of victimhood, this supposed ‘war’ on women themselves. By perpetuating false statistics for things like rape, domestic violence, sexual assault and other such crimes it fosters a belief in women that they are constantly at risk of being raped, constantly at risk of harassment or assault, so much so that women become blind to the privileges they do benefit from and the privileges that hurt men.

Now, I’m not going to go through that list one-by-one to explain why they might all be correct. I’m not going to do it for 2 reasons. 1) I’ve only just finished a blog in which I did that (the rape culture one) and it took me 4 days to do it. 2) This particular blog entry isn’t about female privilege specifically, but just about the concept itself, and perhaps how it relates to feminism.

My point is simple – both men and women benefit from privileges. Whether they think they do or not, whether they’re ‘blinded’ or not, they do. I know I’ve benefitted from societal impressions before and I know I’ve been held back from being taken seriously.

I’ll give an example of each: me and my sister are both fans of rugby, me more so than her but she knows her stuff. I can tell you, for a fact, when talking about rugby people generally talk to me, not her. It’s not a problem because I’ll often just start talking to her instead of the person who spoke to me, it soon makes them realise there are 3 of us in the conversation. That’s me benefitting from privilege. Benefitting from the social perception that, simply by being a man, I know more about rugby than her. That’s the ‘benefit’ I gain from being privileged.

On the other hand, there have been numerous times when conversations, at work, among friends, among friends of friends, have been about films and I have been actively excluded from said discussions because ‘they’re not the sort of films’ I would watch, simply on account of me being a man.

It works both ways. Just to refer to the first point in the above article, I’ll share a short anecdote – when I was at Uni I couldn’t drive. I only passed my test at the end of my first year, so had to spend the time until I got a car taking the train if I wanted to go home for the weekend. In order to get as much out of the weekend as possible, and because of the journey time, I had to leave my house at about 6am. Walking to the train station, especially in winter when it was pitch black and cold, I would often wear a hoodie and a coat and wear my hood up. Numerous times, and I lost count after a couple of weeks, women would cross the street to avoid me. Like, actively cross the street specifically because of me; take a glance and then quickly cross over. How many times did I cross the street because of a woman? That’s right, none. That’s because my gender is demonised as rapists and assaulters, so the woman was probably trying to avoid getting raped.

Just because I’m a man it doesn’t mean I get the monopoly on walking safely down the streets at stupid o’clock in the morning. In fact, I’ve never felt safe walking the streets alone at night, and I’ve done it often enough. It doesn’t matter who I’m wary of either, man or woman, I’ve been accosted by both in my time. I’m not one to take my ‘privilege’ lightly.

The disappointing thing is that the above article was called misogynistic by numerous female commenters. That’s my problem with ‘privilege’, people just can’t accept they have it. It’s been drilled into us so much that the concept of ‘privilege’ is monopolised by men that women are unwilling to believe they actually benefit from it. We all do, men and women, whether or not we want to believe it, it’s true. It’s not a magical concept that all men benefit from, sometimes it works against us, sometimes it works for women, sometimes against. There’s absolutely no way we can quantifiably say ‘men are privileged, women aren’t’. The fact that the first link exists is testament to that. Those points, while not applicable to the entire female gender are examples of privilege. Just because some women haven’t benefitted from it doesn’t mean that no women have benefitted from it, or that it doesn’t exist.

Unfortunately, rather than eliciting a good discussion about the concept of privilege and how it’s difficult to apply and, equally, difficult to automatically dismiss, it instead resulted in this being posted:

It’s disappointing because the concept of female privilege is not insane at all, in fact it’s very sane. It’s a discussion that, apparently, can only be had between adults mature enough to not cry victim at any given opportunity. Yes, the counter list provided in the above link is a good way of proving that women don’t, as a group, enjoy blanket application of privilege but, rather short-sightedly, it displays a lack of willingness to accept that women do benefit in modern western society.

But ‘what has this got to do with feminism’? It’s simple, feminism teaches women that they are always the victim. It teaches women that, no matter what, no matter if there is an equally distasteful situation applicable to men, they are the ones who have been wronged, they are the ones who are suffering, that is actually impossible for them to hold any power whatsoever over men.

Feminism teaches women that having their pictures taken in public and uploaded to Facebook is misogynistic, discriminatory awfulness:

whereas men having their pictures taken in public and uploaded to Facebook is ‘just a bit of fun’:

Why is it ok to take a picture of a man in public and then rate his appearance, but it’s not ok to take a picture of a woman eating in public? That’s female privilege, that’s feminist victimhood. Just a quick note, the Women Who Eat On The Tube (WWEOTT) Facebook page has been up since 2011, yet took only a matter of days to be taken down when the feminists caught wind of it. That’s female privilege. Especially considering I’ve reported numerous, explicit, anti-male pages on Facebook that have not been removed.

Female privilege is seeing this kind of list:

and it being defined as ‘creepy’. Can you imagine 20 examples of assault, harassment and stalking directed at women being described only as ‘creepy’?

Wait, didn’t feminists describe WWEOTT as ‘harassment’? Seems like it takes a lot more for a man to be harassed.

Female privilege is being allowed to get away with bullying a boy, then seeing someone jump to your defence when that boy fights back:

Female privilege is seeing a woman get sentenced to life for killing her partner with a shoe, only to be made out to be the victim:

Or a woman mutilating a man then murdering him, again to be made out as the victim with a simple claim of rape (a claim that cannot be refuted as the accused is now dead), then being defended by people in the comments section who take that claim as truth:

Or a woman who commits an indecent public act only to be defended by women in the comments who automatically degrade men by way of comparison:

Or a product that actively endorses violence towards men seen on one of the biggest online marketplaces in the UK (Amazon):

It is not my intention to shame or humiliate women, it is simply my intention to highlight the fact that, despite what people think or what is claimed, that privilege both benefits and hinders everyone. The fact that people can’t see it, or automatically use it as a way of saying ‘well, you’re argument is good, but I don’t want to believe it, so here’s a list of privilege’:

is stopping us from having a discussion about who does and doesn’t benefit from it. It’s simple; it exists, it exists for both genders.

I’m sure you could find a website that listed 18 examples of male privilege, and I’m sure I could fine 18 ways to refute it. It’s not a competition, equality between the sexes is not a competition. It’s not a competition to see who is oppressed and victimised more often than the other. It’s really not. Rather than saying ‘this list is misogynistic, you fucker’, why not just admit that it’s true, and then we can open a discussion about the instances where it may or may not be applicable.

The opening headline of the first link contains the line ‘18-things-females-seem-to-not-understand’, I think that’s completely fair. Ironically, the responses that counter the list by saying ‘No, I don’t think so because——‘ are perfectly demonstrating why the headline has a ring of truth to it. By refusing to believe something about privilege you are, without realising it, ‘blinded’ by that privilege, to the point that you become hypocritical.

The opening headline of the rebuttal states ‘18-reasons-why-the-concept-of-female-privilege-is-insane’. It’s not insane at all, again just by claiming it as insane is to show that you are blinded by your own privilege, it shows you are allowing yourself to believe feminist rhetoric and envelop yourself in victimhood, whether you identify as a feminist or not. Privilege affects everybody, male and female.

I’m absolutely positive that there are times I’ve benefitted from my male privilege without even realising it. By the same token, I’m damn sure that I’ve seen females benefit from female privilege without them even realising it.

The concept of privilege is not one way, it does not automatically grant all men with some amazing kind of societal power while at the same time oppressing all women. It’s something that is very real. I don’t want to get into the deeper specifics of race and colour, this blog isn’t about that, it’s simply about the fact that privilege is not the domain of the man, it’s the domain of humans.

The sooner we accept that we are all guilty of benefitting from privilege, and stop trying to frame it as specifically a gender issue, the sooner we can start exploring how and why it affects us in different ways and, hopefully, we can remove the sense of victimhood that feminism seems to enshroud all women with.

Privilege; who has it and who doesn’t? We all do, in some way.

Have a nice day, folks.

Ah, rape culture. Rapey rape Mcrape! Just saying that word gives me a boner. Seriously, I’ve used it 4 times already and I’ve surprised I haven’t creamed myself yet.

Ok, I wasn’t being serious there at all. Anyone who reads these blogs should know how serious I am when it comes to rape. It’s one of the topics that has perhaps been the focus of more of these articles than any other subject. I think the only thing that comes close is gender violence.

So, why is it that I constantly feel the need to caveat all these articles with pointless rhetoric like ‘I’m aware that rape is a horrible crime’? I know it’s a horrible crime, you know it’s a horrible crime, pretty much everyone aside from rapists know it’s a horrible crime. Yet even talking about rape makes everyone anxious, makes everyone do a collective sharp intake of breath. Want to know why? Because if you say something that’s even slightly controversial then you can guaran-damn-tee that some jumped up harpy with a grudge and an opinion will be right behind you waiting to tell you how much of a misogynist you are.

I’ll state it once again, nice and large and in bold just to get the point across – rape is horrible. Better? Hopefully I can now get on with the rest of this article and not have to mention again what I think of the act of rape.

Why do I write so many articles about rape? Well, do you know how many articles there are on the internet that are about rape? Thousands, possibly millions, so this being my 6th or 7th on the matter is really no big deal. If there are people out there who want to talk about rape from their perspective, who’s going to begrudge me the opportunity to talk about it from my perspective? Yes, I’ve never been raped but I do have some experience of it, and it’s an experience that comes in handy for this particular entry.

If you’re a feminist, or even if you’re not, you’ve probably heard of the term ‘rape-culture’. It’s the idea that we, as a society, or, more particularly, as a western society, have normalised, trivialised and accepted the act of rape into our culture with such finality that it doesn’t bother us when we encounter stories of rape, we don’t believe those who claim to have been raped, we make jokes about rape, blame the victims, etc, etc. There are a lot of articles on rape culture, most of them heavily feminism-based, that deal with the culture we live in and how rape is such a pervasive and horrendous crime.

I don’t disagree with the last one (rape is horrible) but I do disagree with the first one. I don’t believe we live in a ‘rape-culture’, and even if we did it’s so far away from what feminists define as ‘rape-culture’ that they are barely comparable.

So why the focus on ‘rape-culture’? Well, I recently came across a helpful article demonstrating what it was. I can’t be bothered to keep using inverted commas when I talk about ‘rape-culture’, so every time you see the words ‘rape-culture’ imagine I’m doing this:

So, on with the show. This is the helpful article I’m talking about:

Yep, 25 everyday examples of rape culture:

(just in case you forgot!)

What it’s interesting to notice about this article (and, indeed, a lot of articles about rape culture) primarily focuses on women. “But hold on a second, John, surely that makes sense as women are raped all the time. And, like, isn’t it impossible for a man to be raped? Unless it’s by another man, in which case that’s nothing to do with feminism.” Well, just read on to see why I don’t think that’s necessarily the case.

What is made abundantly clear is that rape culture revolves around women. In these 25 every day examples there is one, just one, mention of men, and it’s a massively misquoted and unreliable statistic. That’s what feminists think about male rape – well, men have it bad, women have it worse. That’s the overarching nature of this article. It’s also misleading in a few of its examples.

I’m going to try and provide some more balance to this article, not because I want to perpetuate rape culture, simply because I feel that the focus primarily on female victims, and particularly some of the ambiguities within this very article, are themselves perpetuating rape culture, if it indeed exists, by using shaky statistics and ignoring a massive set of victims.

First of all, we’re given a nice breakdown of what exactly rape culture is. What I would like to talk about is this particular paragraph:

‘In reading through feminist forums and articles online, particularly in articles about rape or sexual assault, I notice that sometimes in the comments section, people make statements about how rape culture is just a phrase that’s made up to make men look bad or to make it seem like rape is something that happens far more often than it actually does.’

‘to make it seem like rape is something that happens far more often than it actually does.’ Apparently some people think rape culture is used by feminists to create a culture of fear and allow them to peddle their own statistics. Remember that quote, because it’s important later on.

And then, perhaps the most important bit:

‘More often than not, it’s situations in which sexual assault, rape, and general violence are ignored, trivialized, normalized, or made into jokes.’

Let’s get started:

Point number 1:

1. A university in Canada that allows the following student orientation chant: “Y is for your sister. O is for oh-so-tight. U is for underage. N is for no consent. G is for grab that ass.”

I’ll leave all the links in so you can peruse them at your leisure. The story in question – students at ‘Frosh’ event (which I’m assuming is akin to the Uk’s ‘Freshers Week) sing a song quite unambiguously about rape.

I don’t disagree the chant was a stupid thing to do, perhaps made more incomprehensible that it was performed to 400 people, but I don’t think this, or the other examples on this list, is‘rape-culture’. I think it shows some young people (both male and female by the way) doing some incredibly stupid shit, shit they probably thought was just a bit of fun. What’s interesting though is the reaction. According to the definition of rape culture above, it’s a society which condones and trivialises rape. This article:

shows that tolerance for rape chants is pretty low, judging by the resignation of the student president and the punishment of everyone else who broke the College’s rules, punishments ranging from fines to expulsion.

2. Pop music that tells women “you know you want it” because of these “blurred lines” (of consent).

Right, ok, I get where this is coming from now. Ok, so we can be completely subjective about what we decide is ‘rape-culture’ and what isn’t. That’s cool, in that case this one is easy to disagree with.

Feminists think Blurred Lines is about rape. I don’t think Blurred Lines is about rape. In fact, last year I even wrote my own blog on it, and how the feminist response was actually a lot crueller:

So, some parts of rape culture are simply the way we interpret songs. That’s cool, I’ll remember that for future use.

3. A judge who sentenced only 30 days in jail to a 50-year-old man who raped a 14-year-old girl (who later committed suicide), and defended that the girl was “older than her chronological age.”

Again, this is another one I can’t refute. It’s a pretty fucked thing to do and say, but, again, not quite as simple as that. Is this event, a man who only gets 30 days for rape because the girl was ‘older’, then what type of culture is it when numerous female teachers skip jail completely when they rape underage boys? Because, like, it happens. A lot. And even if they do go to prison, it’s very rarely for any great length of time, and even rarer for it to be longer than a man who’s committed the same crime. Again, this example of rape culture completely focuses on one part of it, the male side, and seems to forget that women have committed similar, or worse, crimes and received similar leniency or less. Like this woman, whose lawyers actually tried to get the judge to not send her to prison:

two years for raping a boy 50 times in two years? Oh, we’ll come to the terminology used later on.

4. Mothers who blame girls for posting sexy selfies and leading their sons into sin, instead of talking with their sons about their responsibility for their own sexual expression.

For some reason the link to the actual blog discussed in the attached article is not working. Luckily it’s pretty much copied into the Jezebel article.

I have to say, not seeing where there’s any mention of rape? Is it rape culture for a religious mother to not want her sons to see girls in skimpy clothes? This is the kind of fruit-loop ‘no sex before marriage’ religiousness I expect from Texas (highly stereotypical I know) but, far from perpetuating rape culture, it’s quite offensive to men as well. I still can’t see where there’s any mention of the boys being tempted to rape the girls who are showing off their bodies in their selfies, simply that they don’t think those girls respect themselves and they consider it a sin for their sons to look upon. Hypocritical, especially considering that, apparently, their sons have topless photos of themselves? Probably, though dragging the boys into this is unfair as it appears it’s only the mother writing, for all we know the boys could be horrified. So, yeah, religious nuttery but not rape-culture.

5. Photo memes like this: (you’ll have to go to the actual article for the picture, but it’s basically an edited ‘I need feminism because’ type picture.)

This is another one of those ‘false rape accusations are rare so this is victim blaming’ responses. Actually, the scenario on the right has happened, many times, and the men involved have suffered for it. In fact, many men have suffered from false rape accusations. Also, far from being a perpetuation of rape-culture, it’s also incredibly offensive to men. That’s what rape-culture does, it is offensive to men, because it suggests we’re all monolithic cretins who accept blindly everything we’re taught. ‘Society taught him to rape’. Well no, him being a fucking psycho was what caused him to rape. You demonising every man as moronic and needing to be educated is not a helpful solution, nor does it really get men to join your crusade.

6. Supporting athletes who are charged with rape and calling their victims career-destroyers.

I wondered when Steubenville would make an appearance. This is a tricky, and extremely sensitive, issue. You can’t bring this one up without there being a fuck-ton of accusations of misogyny thrown at you. I’m going to try and be sensitive because I really do think this issue is one that needs to be discussed without all the hysteria that currently surrounds it.

Yes, this case was not well known until someone leaked the info to the press (I believe it was Anonymous, but I’m not sure), yes, the community was not particularly supportive of the girl coming forward but, as with the Frosh chant, it’s more a case of individual idiocy than a cultural thing. Note the reaction to the story when it did become public knowledge. Did people follow the Steubenville community’s lead? Doesn’t look like, instead it would appear that most people were outraged and, funnily enough, the culprits did some pretty serious jail time.

As for the ‘calling their victims career-destroyers’ bit, I can’t comment on the actual community itself as most stories on the net are about the reaction, not what was actually said, but I did see a lot of criticism directed towards the news outlets who reported the story. There was a lot of focus on the accused and how their promising athletic careers had been destroyed.

This is the rape shield law in America:

As you can see, identification of the victim is illegal (I believe the Steubenville girl has still not been identified?), so what else are the news reports going to talk about? “Hell, a girl in Steubenville has been raped, we can’t talk about her because it’s illegal, and we don’t want to talk about the boys involved because they’re scum. Goodbye!” That would go down well.

What’s interesting about this piece is that, yes, the focus was on the men, but I don’t see anywhere where they say “damn her for getting these boys arrested.” What does seem to take place is, filling the void left by the absence of the victim, a talk about how this decision will affect their careers. The fact is, getting sent to jail for rape will affect your career, that’s a given. Going to jail for any crime will affect your career. The fact these news reports talked about that makes sense. It makes more sense considering these boys were sixteen and, according to news reports, looked crushed and dejected when the sentences were read out, as I suppose one might.

Is it rape culture to simply talk about the effect a rape sentence has on two 16 year olds? I don’t think so. It’s a fact their careers have been destroyed, completely of their own accord I hasten to add, but you can’t argue with facts. The fact that not much attention was given to the victim was probably due to the aforementioned rape shield laws. In the UK there is always focus on the accused and never the accuser, that’s because, like the USA, it’s illegal to name a victim, therefore making any discussion of them extremely limited.

So yeah, there was no suggestion, from that article, I could see that suggested the victim herself was being blamed for destroying their careers, just that their careers had been destroyed with the guilty verdict. Talking about how rape affects the perpetrators live, particularly young men, is apparently massively offensive.

7. Companies that create decals of a woman bound and gagged in order to “promote their business.”

Using abuse to promote your product? Because men have never been shown in a subjugated position have they? I think my article on Dolce and Gabbana will see to that:

But never mind print ads, what about this hilarious advert for Virgin that implies male prison rape:

Bad taste? Sure. Rape Culture? No.

 8. People who believe that girls “allow themselves to be raped.”

I’m struggling to find anywhere in that article where such a quote is uttered.

9. Journalists who substitute the word “sex” for “rape” – as if they’re the same thing.

‘Sex’ is used in the headline and that’s it, just the one time. ‘Rape’ is used twice thereafter.

I do find it massively ironic that a feminist is complaining about the substitution of the word ‘sex’ for ‘rape’ and claiming it as indicative of rape culture when that is exactly what happens when female teachers, or even just females, are reported to have raped underage boys. We go back to this article:

He was 8 when it started, yet she ‘had sex’ with him 50 times, she didn’t rape him. There are numerous other stories of females ‘having relationships’ or ‘sleeping with’ young boys. Well done feminists, you’ve just proven, with one point, that your rape culture only affects women. Bravo.

10. Politicians distinguishing “legitimate rape” and stating that rape is “something that God intended to happen,” among other horrendous claims.

Yeah, finding it hard to disagree with this one. Though, again, I’d say more just an example of some complete fuckwits who happen to get into powerful positions than an example of rape culture, particularly considering some of the things that have been said about male rape. “But these people shouldn’t be in these positions in the first place.” Yeah, again, can’t disagree with that, but then loads of politicians and, to a similar extent, celebrities have said fucked up things. Natalie Portman, for example, thinks it’s ok to for a woman to slap a man because it’s some kind of sisterly bonding exercise or some ridiculous shit like that. I don’t see feminists using that to define ‘violence culture’.

11. Calling college students who have the courage to report their rapes liars.

This is slightly misleading. Yes, the woman in the story was raped and, yes, she was not believed, but this heading suggests that nobody believed her. In fact, reading the story it was just her counsellor that didn’t believe her. Not that that makes it better, but the reaction after it became public did, with numerous positive comments directed towards her and some pretty decent developments in stopping such events happening again.

It’s at this point I’m beginning to see a pattern – 1) that all these examples are about horrible men who victimise girls, horrible men who are in positions of power and let rapists walk free, horrible men who interchange ‘rape’ and ‘sex’ as if they’re both the same (which is funny considering some feminists think exactly that). 2) rape culture is when one person does something bad to a rape victim, not when numerous people then condemn that person and does something about it, or when one ambiguous thing (like a song, or a truck decal) is automatically offensive to women, but no consideration is made to men who have gone through the same thing.

Anyway, on with number 12:

12. The ubiquity of street harassment – and how victims are told that they’re “overreacting” when they call it out.

No link this time? Yeah, that’s helpful. And don’t point me to the Everyday Sexism Project, because that’s on very shaky ground:

Tell me some of the people highlighted in the above article aren’t over-reacting? Saying something is ‘ubiquitous’ (meaning ‘everywhere’) and then providing not a single shred of evidence is not particularly helpful.

13. Victims not being taken seriously when they report rapes to their university campuses.

The link takes you to this article:

that ends with the following line:

‘What happened in the situations under investigation is unclear.’

So yeah, rape culture is when something is under investigation, though we have no idea what actually happened. Talk about guilty until proven innocent. The article can only make claims and allege stuff at the moment, until something cast-iron comes out of this investigation, such as ‘yes, the college was wrong’, then there’s very little we can take away from this as pertains to rape culture.

That’s like someone taking a look at my finances and then someone else saying ‘well, he must have been fiddling the books’.  It’s under investigation; let’s wait until something happens before we cast aspersions.

Rape jokes – and people who defend them.

If you’re going to go after rape jokes, why not all controversial jokes? Why not jokes about paedophiles, murderers, religions, etc, etc, etc. While you’re at it why not ban mother-in-law jokes as well. I’m not being facetious; I just think that focusing on one particular area of comedy that you happen to disagree with is pretty ridiculous. What makes a rape joke worth banning more than a paedophile joke (jokes that normally have a man in the paedophile position, just FYI)?

I’m not going to go on about why comedy shouldn’t be censored, this is isn’t the time and I don’t want to go off-topic, but I don’t think it should. And this is coming from someone who doesn’t particularly find rape jokes funny.

15. Sexual assault prevention education programs that focus on women being told to take measures to prevent rape instead of men being told not to rape.

Again, no link given. I always think these ones are completely subjective. Pretty much every other crime in existence has some kind of ‘preventative-culture’ assigned to it. We’re told to make sure our valuables are out of sight when we leave our cars in public, there are adverts on national television telling you to make sure your valuables are out of sight when you leave your house. There are adverts on TV telling you not to leave your phone on the table when you’re in a bar. There are adverts warning you not to display your valuables if walking alone at night.

Just take a look at the first page of videos to come up when ‘don’t leave your valuables on show’ is typed into Youtube:

If we’re told of the dangers of most other kinds of crimes, why is it such a big deal that we teach women how to be safe when out and about? I wrote an article about this issue too, and hw I think the ‘teach men not to rape, don’t teach women not to be raped’ actually places a massive amount of victimhood on the women themselves, and absolves them of any sort of responsibility for their own actions:

I also disagree with the idea that we don’t teach men that rape is bad. In fact, there are national adverts that deal with that exact issue. And, guess what? They are all, without fail, aimed at men:

So there we have it, we live in a culture that teaches women not to get raped, rather than teaching men not to rape. Except, we really don’t live in that culture. Yeah sure, teach women to be safe and wary of their surroundings, because that’s what happens with loads of other crimes. And how exactly do we live in a culture that ‘normalises’ rape when there are adverts shown on terrestrial television that campaign against rape.

16. The victimization of hospital patients, especially people with mental health issues and the elderly,  by the very people who are there to protect them.

Again, another tricky one. Yeah, what happened in the article was horrible, but if you honestly believe that that’s the only example of elderly or vulnerable patients being victimized while in places that should be safe and caring then you’re cherry picking your arguments.

Just one example of females (because, so far, this list seems to be exclusively male) who prey on vulnerable patients:

17. Reddit threads with titles like “You just have to make sure she’s dead” when linking to the story of a 13-year-old girl in Pakistan being raped and buried alive.

I did a search on Google for that very title and found nothing:

Now, I’m not saying it didn’t exist at one time or another, but is it a culture that ‘normalises’ rape if the thread has been removed? I’d say pretty much the opposite. If we thought rape was normal then surely people wouldn’t care about it being removed. The fact that it possibly existed in the first place does not confirm rape culture, not by feminist standards anyway.

The fact we have a link to the story itself and not the Reddit thread leads me to question the manipulative nature of this particular point.

18. Reddit threads dedicated to men causing women pain during sex (I’m not going to give the thread credence by linking to it).

Then you’ll forgive me for not feeling the need to say anything about it. I get the feeling Reddit is a bit like 4Chan, full of trolls. Having never ventured over there, save for a couple of links others have posted, I honestly couldn’t tell you.

What I will say is this – if the pain is consensual, what’s the problem?

19. Twitter hashtags that support accused rapists and blame victims.

I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea who that person is, so cannot say anything about this point. Sorry.

20. Publicly defending celebrities accused of rape just because they’re celebrities and ignoring or denouncing what the victim has to say.

The link takes you to a story defending Woody Allen against all the allegations made by Dylan and Ronan Farrow, accusations that first appeared in 1991. Again, this is an example of guilty until proven innocent. Nothing came of these charges in 1991 when they first appeared, yet people are still determined to try and find him guilty one way or the other. Discussing why you think someone is innocent of a crime is not rape culture, and to think otherwise is why men still serve prison time for false rape accusations.

21. Assuming that false reporting for sexual assault cases are the norm, when in reality, they’re only 2-8%, which is on par with grand theft auto.

I’ve had a quick read of the report that is linked to in this point and it contains a very interesting paragraph:

To date, the MAD study is the only research conducted in the U.S. to evaluate the percentage

of false reports made to law enforcement. The remaining evidence is therefore based on research conducted outside the U.S., but it all converges within the same range of 2-8%.

 To clarify, the MAD study (or ‘Making a Difference’) took all the allegations of sexual assault from 8 US communities and found that, of 2,059 cases, 140 (7%) were found to be false. That stands to be within the 2-8% range stated above. However, can you really use data taken from only 8 communities as proof of the whole country? Unless I’ve mistaken the study it seems a rather small section of American culture to be taking their data one, especially as it is the only piece of research conducted in the US on such matters.

In the UK, there was a report published earlier this year that had official numbers of reported rapes taken from every police force in the country, which published some interesting results. I wrote about it here:

In that report it’s made clear that the ‘no-crime’ (which I would imagine includes false reports) varies from county to county, so there’s no way you can take 8 communities and say ‘here is a picture of American culture’. I also question just how biased the report in point 21 is, considering it’s published by The National Centre for the Prosecution of Violence against Women.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that false reporting is the norm just that it’s more common than the 2-8% that feminists constantly throw at us. There’s also a difference between sexual assault and rape. This article is supposedly everyday examples of rape culture, so which one is it? Are you linking the two together, or just picking and choosing which bits best fit your agenda?

22. Only 3% of rapists ever serving a day in jail.

The link that this takes you to is rather lacking in any real information. I’ll link it here just to make you aware of what they are using to back up their claims:

It’s a handy little infographic that breaks down how many rapists actually see prison from how many are reported. It actually does give sources, but they aren’t linked, so there’s no way of getting to them, and I have absolutely no energy to go on a Google-goose chase trying to find each report.

Again, these statistics seem to contradict the ones given in the article I wrote above:

which suggests that 10 times as many rapists are being punished. I get that my article is talking about the UK and point 22 is talking about America, but ‘rape-culture’ now seems to be an ocean-spanning phenomenon, especially considering the 1-in-4 myth, originally taken from American college studies, has now become the standard statistic in Britain, too.

I suppose the key thing to look at is the word ‘jail’. Lots of people get arrested and charged for crimes but don’t actually serve any jail time, most of them are women. The fact that this particular point only refers to someone being jailed could be seen as slightly misleading as there are cases of rapists being given suspended sentences, or probation, which means they are being punished, just not going to jail. I also find it rather ironic that this whole article seems to be implying men are the ones who are responsible for rape culture, and men are the ones who escape justice, yet there are numerous cases of females committing crimes against males, not just rape, and serving no prison time whatsoever.

I also think this is an interesting comment:

‘Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 3% of rapists will ever serve a day in prison’

‘Factoring in unreported rapes.’ So basically they are using figures that don’t exist to help back up their claim that only 3 out of 100 rapists will go to prison. Is there any way of proving that only 40 rapes out of 100 are reported? If there isn’t then this statistic becomes nothing but conjecture.

23. Women feeling less safe walking the streets at night than men do.

Another interesting article that throws up lots of questions and differing ways of interpreting it. Yes, it would appear from the face value of the statistics that women in every country polled feel less safe walking down the street at night. But why? Is it because of rape culture, or something else?

First of all, this poll suggests nothing about the crimes the people are scared of encountering. So why a general poll like this has been interpreted as a key factor in rape culture is unclear.

Also, if you look at the countries where women don’t feel safe, it seems a lot of the top 27 are those that are heavily influenced by feminism. Even Sweden, a place that seems to bow to every feminist desire, have only 2 thirds of women say they feel safe at night.

This is where there is a big chain of events that starts with false statistics. Feminists state that 1-in-4 women will be raped in their lifetime (sometimes it’s presented as 1-in-5). The fact that statistic is peddled all over the place leads to a culture of fear, a culture of fear that means women are more wary of their surroundings than others. Due to that fear, and numerous other pieces of false rhetoric, women then start to fear being victims of other crimes as well, and therefore start to feel less safe. That’s why false statistics cause so much damage. There’s so much propaganda about violence towards women that, despite feminists claiming they want to eradicate it, they create their own culture of fear.

On the other hand, men, while supposedly feeling safe, were not actually safe:




I’m not saying we should take the above statistics as gospel, but they all seem to paint a similar picture – when it comes to feeling safe while walking the streets at night, womens fear may be misplaced, mens confidence is definitely misplaced.

Those statistics also fall, for the most part, into the ‘women are more likely to be raped/abused than men’ camp as well, which we know to be unreliable at best, so there’s definitely some leeway, and some reports contradict each other. Perhaps the one thing to take away from those 3 reports is that it’s extremely difficult to really pin down numbers on violence, abuse and rape, so to claim we absolutely live in a ‘rape-culture’ is, again, shaky at best.

24. 1-in-5 women and 1-in-71 men having reported experiencing rape.

A pretty comprehensive looking set of results. But very strange that every heading in the attached file involves women, but only a few involve men. It’s almost as if they’re picking and choosing the studies that help prove their point. It’s also clear that some of the studies cited only involve women, so you’re automatically leaving out one half of the population.

Results that also contradict other studies and CDC’s own findings on ‘made to penetrate’:–one-in-one-thousand-eight-hundred-seventy-seven

(sorry if the image quality on the last one if poor).

So, again, it’s incredibly difficult to actually collect any cast-iron data on rapes between men and women, and so many contradictory reports being released, a lot of which contradict the ‘1-in-4’ statistic, means it’s impossible to accept any one set of data and say ‘yes, that empirically confirms rape culture exists.’

Plus, the fact that the 1-in-4 myth varies itself so wildly, from 1-in-4 to 1-in-3 to 1-in-5, suggests that even feminists don’t know which statistic to use.

25. The fact that we have to condition ourselves not to use violent language in our everyday conversations.

Ah, the helpful final point. This one links to an article published on Everyday Feminism, so automatically take it with a pinch of salt. The article claims that everyday sexualized language, such as ‘suck my dick’ if you disagree with someone, is ‘rape-permitting’.

If that’s the case, if that’s what they think, then I will provide a link to another of my blog entries (because apparently that’s definitely allowed and taken to be some sort of gospel truth, as long as you throw a couple of links in there, which I have done):

So, you think sexualized/violent insults are ‘rape-permitting’? I disagree. Who’s right and who’s wrong? Is it as simple as that? I don’t think so. Unfortunately, disagreeing with a feminist about rape is just asking to be called a misogynist. This is a point that could be argued for all eternity and people still wouldn’t be happy.

I do find it interesting, however, that this sexualized/violent language, once again, is indicative of a culture geared towards violence and hatred of women, not men, and how it perpetuates rape culture which, as we’ve seen in this article, is predominantly committed against women.


So there we have it, 25 everyday examples of ‘rape-culture’. Now, as I feel the need to say about every blog on rape, my intention is not to trivialise, normalise or ignore rape, not at all, it’s simply to raise a countering side to these arguments. I’ve said it already in this entry, rape is a horrendous crime, and in no way am I casting aside the suffering that those who have been raped have suffered. But, and it’s a big but, the whole idea of ‘rape-culture’, if the list provided above is anything to go by, is built on something that can’t be quantifiably proven, is down to some subjectivity and, perhaps most importantly, appears to only focus on one gender. Can you imagine if you were a man and you thought ‘rape-culture awareness’ was something that would allow you to come clean about your experiences, only to find out that your voice seems to ostracized, not recognized? It’s strange that feminists claim ‘rape-culture’ is where we normalise and ignore rape victims, yet they perpetuate the very thing they claim to hate by ignoring and disregarding the experiences of male victims.

So, what I thought I’d do to close off this blog (and I know I’ve rambled on for ages) is to provide some counter-examples of where male suffering is either ignored or not given enough attention as female suffering.

If we do live in a rape culture, is it perhaps when the Steubenville boys get arrested and put in prison for rape, yet stuff like this goes unnoticed):

And the response to it:

Or perhaps the number of stories (which is just a small selection of stuff out there) that show female teachers getting extremely lenient sentences:

Or perhaps a Tumblr feminist flat out lying about rape culture

Or a report that shows victimisation of young boys in juvenile detention centres being questioned by a feminist, who comes across as a rape-apologiser for suggesting that rape ‘without force’ isn’t rape:

And then filing a case against the person who called her out, also resulting in a death threat:

Or a 16 year old boy being forced to pay child support for his rapist’s baby:

Or a poll in Brazil that shows 65% of women deserve to be attacked for dressing provocatively:

Which was then shown to be wrong:

Or a question printed in a textbook that seems appalling, but is in fact misleading:

I’m sorry, I don’t have the link to why it’s misleading, but basically the questions were not given a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer but rather a 5 point scale, which means the answers aren’t that definite.

Or the FBI changing its definition of rape after 85 years:

Rape is “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.’

But still seems to exclude male victims that are forced to penetrate, which studies show occur at similar rates to women:

And then seeing people like Charles Clymer claim this as a victory for feminism:

Or the feminist who tried to defend the woman in this story:

By saying she was a ‘victim of the patriarchy’:

Or this man being raped at knifepoint:

Or this anecdote by a friend of mine:

Or this astonishingly ignorant set of comments by two feminists discussing female on male rape:

Or this video made by a male rape survivor:


See, there are loads of examples of rape towards men that are completely under the radar, ignored, minimised, disregarded, disbelieved, yet not a single one of them was addressed in the article on Everyday Feminism. That article was written on March 10th 2014, so it’s not like it’s an outdated piece of work, yet it fails to mention a single instance of rape culture towards men, aside from a shaky 1-in-71 statistic which I’m going to assume was put in there as way to show that ‘feminism is working on men’s issues too’.

You can’t claim a ‘culture’ exists by only looking at one side. I could easily claim a rape culture exists towards males. I’m not going to because I don’t think we live in one. We live in a society where people do and say some stupid, fucked-up things, but that’s not indicative of the way the entire society feels. Some of the 25 examples display some questionable morality (Blurred Lines for example), some of them rely on one set of statistics to prove their point, and some of them are manipulative in their content (the 3% of rapists seeing jail particularly).

Yes, people have said and done stupid things, but they’ve also been punished for it. I hardly think we live in a society that ‘ignores, trivialises and normalises’ rape if people are being punished for the things they do and say. Yes, some rapists get off with lenient sentences, but that goes for both genders, and not just the crime of rape. To only focus on one crime and one gender, particularly when that crime is abhorred and that gender protected as much as possible, is not enough to claim we live in any type of ‘culture’.

I’m not saying the statistics I presented are cast-iron truth, but the fact they actually exist casts doubt on the statistics used by feminists that they do try to pass off as absolute fact.

Rape is a horrible crime; I would wish it on nobody. However, I also do not want to push forward a theory that only focuses on one gender and then say it’s indicative of the terrible culture we live in. Unless you start including the myriad of male victims, and stop using ambiguous songs like Blurred Lines as absolute proof, then you’ll never convince me that ‘rape-culture’ exists.

Have a nice day, folks!

I’ve made mention in the past, lots of times, about how much I love writing this blog, about how much I hate feminism and what it’s doing to modern society, about how I will always highlight men’s issues in relation to the twisted spiel of feminism narrative. Yet, recently I feel more and more like I don’t belong in the MHRM.

I’ve debated whether or not to publish this particular blog entry for a good while now. I feel like I need to get it off my chest, I feel like there are some things I do want to say, but at the same time I really don’t want to alienate the fantastic people that I’ve become good friends with through my association with the MHRM. I don’t want to belittle a movement that has been so important to me over the past year or so, but at the same time I can’t sit back any longer and not comment on some of the more insidious elements to the movement.

I took a break from being John Salmon, as I mentioned in my last blog entry on objectification. No Facebook posts, no blog entries for a couple of weeks, no real communication with any of the MHRM groups or people, even kind of abandoning the admin post I have on one of the groups. To those people, I apologise.

I needed the break, I needed to get away, I honestly couldn’t bear to long in to John Salmon’s account. I carried on posting on my real account; I carried on my life as normal. I tried to get back to life before John Salmon, before the MHRM, before the ‘red pill’ moment.


2 reasons, 1) I began to get incredibly disillusioned with the MHRM as a whole, and 2) my personal life suffered massively.

The MHRM has been both a blessing and a curse for me recently. Without it I’m sure I’d still be existing within that fog of denial and confusion I’ve talked about in previous blogs. I have a lot to thank the MHRM for: the support when I wrote my article about being sexually assaulted (by feminist definitions anyway), the friendships I’ve forged, the general feedback this blog receives, the confidence it’s given me to start talking about men’s issues in my real life, the overall acceptance into the movement. That last one is massively important, especially considering, for all the praise and comments on my ‘reputation’, I’m still an anonymous nobody who could be lying about everything.

But, as that ‘reputation’ (and I use reputation lightly, as I’m one small ripple in the ocean of men’s rights) grows, as the number of views and shares this blog gets, as the number of Facebook friends grows (now standing at 200) so too does my discomfort with the whole movement.

There are some wonderful people on my Facebook friends list, some truly wonderful people, who really care about men’s rights. Both men and women, men and women who have the sense, the intelligence, the ability to debate and talk openly and freely about issues that affect men (and women), those who are capable of seeing differing viewpoints and, in some cases, changing their own viewpoints in light of new evidence.

However, there are also some absolute morons within the movement. Now, I’m not one to try and tell people how to behave, or dictate how their life should be, and I’m painfully aware that some men in the movement have had their lives ruined by women, but this isn’t about those people. This is about those men, and some women, who are, to me, the embodiment of everything that is wrong with the MHRM. These are the people who, again in my eyes, are simply the MHRM equivalent of feminists – generalising, derogatory, negative, hypocritical, sexist pieces of shit who really don’t bring anything worthwhile to the movement.

These are the type of people who see one story about a woman doing something deplorable and use the opportunity to tear down every woman on the planet. Those who seem to take pleasure in seeing a woman do something horrible, like they are using it as an excuse to spit their own vile opinions.

These are the same people that call out feminism for its generalising and tarring of men with the same brush, the same people who throw the ‘not all men are like that’ argument out there and then proceed to generalise every single woman by the acts of the few. Fucking hypocrites like those piss me off, and drive me further away from the movement.

Newsflash – men can be absolute animals as well. The point of the MRHM (or at least I hope) is not to try and paint all women as monsters and all men as victims, its aims are not to twist the world view into the opposite of what we have now, with an unflinching men=perpetrators/women=victims paradigm, it’s simply about bringing to light the hypocrisy, double-standards and genuine issues that mainstream media seem to either ignore or not care about. And yes, those issues are generally downplayed by feminism, whether directly or simply as a result of the culture it creates.

There are so many feminists out there who use the ‘not all feminists are like that’ excuse to try and absolve themselves of any link to the radicals within their movement, yet it’s rare to see them actually doing anything to call out the ones who do make their movement look bad. I don’t want that to be levelled at me at any point, so right here, right now, I’m calling out all the morons within the MHRM. All the hypocrites who use the MHRM as an excuse to generalise women then go on to bitch when feminists do the same thing, all the morons who think women don’t deserve, or are incapable, to do ‘manly’ things in either sports or employment or music or any other area, I don’t like you , I think you damage the movement on mens rights more than you can possibly comprehend.

If that upsets some people within the MHRM then I couldn’t give a fuck, I didn’t become part of it to toe the company line, I became part of it because I want to try and make a difference, expose the double standards and hypocrisy that stop men and boys from speaking out. I don’t have an aversion to women, I am quite able to distinguish between the type of women who commit some atrocious acts, or have princess mentalities, and those who are level-headed and open-minded, the same way I can with men. For those who are interested (and I don’t care whether that’s one or one hundred) I am, and have been for nearly a year, hopelessly, madly, head-over-heels in love with a woman I used to work with, to the point I now rarely speak to her as it’s too painful. Yeah, I’m that sad. The point of the MRHM, for me, is to try and promote true equality, not to simply try and demonise women.

While everything above more of a problem with the MHRM itself, it managed to affect me in other ways. The constant negativity began to actually seep in to my real life.


In the last month or two I’ve been away from Facebook (aside from the last week) and I’ve written one entry on this blog in the same amount of time. The above comments on the MHRM are the primary reason for this break. I needed to get away, by trying to dissolve the negative thoughts feminism had implanted in my brain, I’d replaced them with equally negative thoughts coming from the MHRM.

I mentioned this picture in an article about Stephen McCann:

The more time I spend as John Salmon the more I’m drawn back to that abyss, drawn back to the hatred and negativity. So much negativity and pessimism. It got to the point that I just hated everything: my job, my flat, my entire life and everyone in it. I couldn’t see the value in anything or anyone.

It took something of an intervention by 3 people to make me realise just how different I’d become. My sister, first of all, decided to tell me, pretty abruptly, that my cynicism had pretty much taken over and eradicated my optimism. She’s always known me as a bit of a grump, but she said I used to have a spark, a sense of humour, a little bit of energy and fire; that was gone. I’m really close to my sister, so to hear it from her hurt. A lot. But I was too stubborn to listen.

Then my best friend, a man who I love with everything I have, who I consider a brother and someone who can keep my moral compass pretty straight, told me my texts to him were getting more and more pessimistic.

No matter, two people who are close to me, of course they’re going to notice changes, that’s what happens when your outlook on life changes, when you realise that life isn’t all rainbows and lollipops and unicorns and shit like that, so I disregarded it.

Then I nearly lost my job.

Without going into specifics (because it’s none of your business and I’m thoroughly embarrassed by how far I’d fallen) I was asked by the deputy head (the man who had overseen my interview and who, ultimately had been the deciding factor in me getting the job) to see him for a short meeting. To make a long story short, my performance as a teacher was sub-par. You have no idea the shame that ran through my body as I was told that I needed to make changes to the way I approached my job.

He didn’t explicitly state it, but I know that he was questioning his decision to hire me. The endless cycle of negativity I went through every day, the early mornings, the tough classes, the journey to and from work, getting back home and checking Facebook to be greeted with another story of some horror committed by a man or a woman, the comments from narrow-minded people, it really got to me.

That was the kick up the arse I needed. I had to break that cycle or it would totally tear me apart. After that meeting I had a very quiet afternoon, but I was questioning my desire to stay in teaching. Teaching is the only thing I know how to do. I left Uni, took a year out, then went straight back and got my teaching degree. I don’t know what else I’m good at, yet the car journey home (about  45 minute commute) that night was spent pondering my future.

I went straight to my parent’s house that night and spent an hour and a half speaking with my mum, herself a teacher for nearly 40 years. I spent most of that time trying not to cry. I couldn’t decide if it was because of the embarrassment of that meeting with the deputy head, or me accepting my career was over. After an hour and a half it became clear that my career wasn’t over. I still wanted to teach, but something had to give, something was weighing me down and stopping me from doing my job properly: the MHRM.

The whole point of this entry isn’t some sob story, it’s just an account of how the MHRM is not the magic answer to feminisms indoctrination. It helps, it really does, but as with anything there is a level of moderation needed. I can’t be John Salmon all the time, I have to be the real me as well. I forgot that, completely forgot it, and it cost me. It cost me three months of my life. It caused me to be miserable. I don’t want to be miserable. I remember a time when I loved my life. I’ve spent most of this year so far hating it. My job is hard enough as it is, I don’t need an endless cycle of negativity driving me further down.

My point is very simple: find a happy medium. Yes, women commit some horrendous crimes and generally serve less time in prison for it, but that doesn’t mean that men don’t get away with lenient sentences as well. Yes, women do benefit from double standards, but that doesn’t mean men don’t benefit from some double standards as well. I don’t try and claim that women are never victimised and men always are, I simply try and point out instances where double standards and hypocrisies are more accepted when peddled by a feminist majority. That’s it.

So where do I stand now? If there’s a line, and feminism and the MRHM occupy either end, I stand firmly in the middle, leaning more towards the MHRM but keeping a distance that ensures I don’t get sucked back into the cycle again.

Men suck, women suck too. Men can be wonderful, women can be wonderful too. Don’t lose sight of that. I did, and it nearly cost me everything.

Bowed, but unbroken.