What will I teach my son? Staying the hell away from your daughter will be lesson number one!

Posted: February 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

Ah rape, at the moment it seems to be my bread and butter. Entry after entry after entry about rape. I’ve only just finished a two parter on rape statistics. I could be doing a part two to the chivalry entry from a few days ago, that seems like a topic that’s worth continuing, especially considering it’s 7 pages long and there’s still 3 aspects of chivalry that I could talk about. But no, I had to go back to rape, didn’t I?! Why? Because I love rape. No, not in that way (though I cannot wait for some feminist page out there to highlight that quote and then put it on their page massively out of context and try to claim I’m a rape apologiser or something), I mean the topic itself is such a minefield of public opinion that you can barely even mention the word without the feminists having heart attacks of indignation. I’m honestly surprised that rapeseed oil hasn’t been banned yet for triggering someone!

Anyway, I digress. There’s a particular train of thought out there that seems to crop up every now and then, especially if rape is in the news, and it’s this:

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y472/johnsalmonworld/dontgetraped_zps653e95c0.jpg

Yep, apparently one of the manifestations of ‘rape culture’ is this idea that we teach women ‘not to get raped’ rather than teaching men ‘don’t rape’.

There are two things that are wrong with this: 1) it’s massively sexist in that it very clearly denotes women as victims and men as perpetrators, and 2) it promotes the horrendous idea that we shouldn’t teach women how to look after themselves. It teaches women that their safety is not their own responsibility but rather everyone else’s. It teaches women that they can do whatever the hell they want, and if something bad happens to them, like being raped for example, there is absolutely nothing they could have done to change the situation and it must be someone else’s fault. That’s a very dangerous way of thinking.

I’m going to say something that may sound very controversial – we need to teach women how to not get raped.

Is that the sound of pitchforks being sharpened I hear? (I don’t know why I have such an obsession with imagining feminists as pitchfork wielders, I think it just reminds me of the scene in Beauty and the Beast when the villagers sing as they march to the castle; that’s how ridiculous I see feminists.)

Before that quote gets completely misquoted and paints me as a rape apologist, let me qualify it by adding something – We need to teach women how to not get raped, we need to teach everyone how to not get raped. We need to teach everyone how to take care of themselves.

See how much difference that makes? By saying we shouldn’t teach women how to not get raped we take all responsibility away from them, we reduce them to children who can’t be trusted with their own safety. By explicitly singling out women as not needing to learn how to protect themselves we essentially put that responsibility on men. Yep, chivalry is alive and well with feminists. By removing the accountability and sense of responsibility from women when it comes to doing all they can to protect themselves from rape, we essentially tell men ‘you need to constantly be on the lookout for women as they are not capable of looking after themselves. If you see anything untoward, like a man about to rape her, step in and protect her.’

That’s not to say I think women deserve to get raped, absolutely not, as I’ve said multiple times, and I feel I need to say this every time I make a blog about rape because it’s such a sensitive topic at the moment, I hate rape, it’s a truly horrific crime, but that doesn’t mean I think we shouldn’t be allowed to talk about it. Feminists hold monopoly on the concept of rape at the moment. That’s what happens when you constantly promote false statistics and tell women that even being looked at by a ‘creepy’ guy is tantamount to rape. If ‘rape culture’ does exist, and I truly believe it doesn’t, it’s nothing more than an artificial creation of the feminist movement to hold women in a perpetual state of fear. It’s a devastatingly simple idea – promote false statistics to create fear, position yourselves as a group who will fight for you to be able to walk down the street without fear, watch women flock to you, do nothing but promote those false statistics to ensure culture of fear remains high priority, sit back and watch the world burn. To their credit, the feminists have done it brilliantly. Unfortunately for them, people are now starting to fight back.

So, if women don’t deserve to get raped, why teach them how to avoid getting raped? Er, because it’s common sense. I don’t think anyone deserves to get mugged or beaten up, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to mollycoddle someone who walked through a notoriously rough area with ipod blaring and iphone out when they get mugged. Yeah, it sucks that I can’t walk through the streets of certain places after dark without having to be weary of my surroundings, but unfortunately that’s the world we live in. The point is, we should teach people how to look after themselves. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t teach people not to commit crime but, you know, we teach people that burglary is wrong, yet people still burgle. In fact, if you don’t have a burglar alarm a lot of insurance companies will charge you more for home insurance. It’s a pretty simple concept, the more you do to protect yourself, the less likely you are to become a victim of crime.

That’s not to say crime doesn’t happen, of course it does. But, for a burglar, which do you think is the better option – a house with an alarm and a secure front door, or a house with no alarm and an old wooden door. When I was at Uni my house was broken in to twice. Why mine? Why not next door or next door but one? Simple, it was obviously a student house and, instead of making sure it was secure, my landlord was cheap and we had old, wooden doors that were easily broken through. Even after being burgled the first time, the landlord did nothing to make the house more secure. Is it any wonder we got hit again?!

What’s the difference between me making my house secure, not showing my valuables when walking through potentially rough areas at night and teaching a woman not to get so wasted she can’t stand up and then tries to walk home alone at 3 in the morning? It’s this culture of hysteria surrounding rape that creates the feeling of victim-blaming. It’s the idea that we tell women they should be allowed to do whatever they want without fear of repercussion. By removing that simple sense of responsibility and then blaming somebody else when something happens to them, whether it’s as simple as spraining their heel from falling over, or something as horrific as getting raped, we tell them that there was nothing they could have done to minimise, not prevent but minimise, the chances of that happening. We treat them like children who are unable to take responsibility for their own safety. That’s insulting. That’s feminism.

To add insult to injury, as well as telling women they don’t need to worry about personal safety and responsibility, we tell men that they need to be trained how to not rape. The implication being that men are all inherently rapists and only feminist teaching can help us to realise it, therefore stopping us from raping at the first chance we get.

The idea that we shouldn’t teach women how to be responsible yet we should teach men how not to commit a crime they probably had no intention of committing anyway, leads me nicely to this picture, posted on Women’s Rights News:

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y472/johnsalmonworld/IMG_3095_zpscc27aa29.jpg

Yep, never mind teaching your daughter how to be responsible, it’s completely the job of the parents to teach the son how to treat women.

I did post a comment on WRN in response to this, but it was a couple of weeks ago and I can’t be bothered to find it. Needless to say, it got quite a few likes. While I can’t post it word for word here as I can’t remember it, I will expand on it to some degree.

What does that meme actually imply? Well, aside from the aforementioned concept of removing personal responsibility from the daughters of the world, it also re-positions the role of parents. Apparently, it would appear this woman is suggesting that parental responsibility for her daughter does not, in fact, rest with her. She is absolving herself of all parental obligations when it comes to raising her own children. What she is doing is tasking other parents with the job of telling them how to behave around her daughter. She is not telling her daughter to protect herself, she is not telling her daughter how to be aware of her own safety, she is placing that responsibility squarely on the shoulders of other parents. Can you see how messed up that is?

Some commenters on the original picture tried to defend this by saying that she’s not suggesting you don’t teach your daughter anything, you simply need to teach sons how to respect women and not go around raping. If that’s the case, why has she crossed out the ‘How will I protect my daughter’ sentence? That implication is very clear, the onus is not on her, as a parent, to protect her daughter, it’s on everyone else to allow her to do whatever the hell she wants and then teach their sons how to behave properly. If the ‘she’s not saying…’ defence is to truly stand, surely it would have been a better idea to have both sentences together, rather than one crossed out?

Can you see where the problem lies? It gives the girl the sense that she should be able to do anything she wants without fear of repercussion. If the attitude of the parent is that, in this particular instance, it’s not her responsibility to educate her daughter, what other liberties is she taking? At what point does this feminist thinking stop? Is this a parenting-wide approach, or just when the topic is about rape? At what point does she actually take parenting responsibility seriously, and why does a feminist, who is so obsessed with everything rape, leave it to everyone else to educate their children when, you would think, this would be the perfect opportunity for her to teach her own daughter how to be safe?

This is the end result of promoting skewed and misleading rape statistics. By constantly pumping out statistics like the 1 in 4 myth (which is shown to be on extremely shaky ground in a previous blog) it creates an artificial culture of fear. By constantly furthering the false statistics it allows feminists to create and perpetuate the cycle of fear. It allows them to pass misandric laws, it allows them to paint all men as monsters, it allows them to paint all women as victims, then it allows them to revel in all the attention they get, all the focus, all the money, all the sympathy. Promoting false and misleading statistics does not help women, it constantly victimises them, it constantly demonises men, it allows a split in society, women are scared of men because they may get raped, men are scared of approaching women in case they get accused of rape. One big vicious rape circle.

Feminist scare-mongering allows them to push the idea of men as animals, it allows them to further their own campaigns. It allows them to come up with rubbish like this:

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y472/johnsalmonworld/Teachyoursontorespectwomen_zps10f077bc.jpg

and allows them to propose shit like this (and actually get taken seriously):

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2546597/Boys-dont-know-treat-girls-TAUGHT-school-respect-leading-campaigners-say.html

Just a point, if your authority on anything to do with equality is mumsnet then you really should reconsider your status on this planet.

Blocking this directive is possibly the one good thing Michael Gove has done since being education secretary (Although his opinion “that schools shouldn’t be burdened with too many directives from central government” is fucking hysterical considering what he’s doing to the education system at the moment!)

The stunning thing to take away from this article is that all the focus is on how horrible boys are. How it is only boys who need to be taught how to respect. And not just to respect everyone, but just to respect women. How about we teach them to respect everyone, even themselves? How about we stop demonising them from an early age, how about we stop reinforcing the idea that they are disposable, that they are only measured by their ability to attract and keep a woman, that they’re role in the marriage is solely to keep their wife happy, that reaching a certain age without being married is not creepy.

So what can we take away from all this? Simply put, feminism treats girls as perpetual victims, not giving them enough credit to be able to trust them with their own safety. Feminism absolutely loves to perpetuate the fear cycle that creates needles victims and a needless culture of suspicion, both of men and women. Feminism treats all men as inherent, not just potential but inherent, rapists who desperately need to be told that rape is bad, like it isn’t some kind of innate knowledge.

Having said all that, let’s take the woman’s question at face value; what will I teach my son? Pretty simple answer – stay the fuck away from your daughter. That’s lesson number one. Stay away from someone who has been taught that they can act like a princess, do whatever they want and take no responsibility for their actions, absolve themselves of blame and, when finally cornered, count on the support of mummy dearest whose party line is “well you obviously haven’t taught your son very well.”

What will I teach my son? That’s none of your fucking business.

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Comments
  1. Awesome article John. Swimming against the current seems to come naturally to you! 😉

    In a past relationship I’ve been accused of “turning things around to make them about her to take the focus away from me”, and I’m certain that I’m actually just expanding the context to INCLUDE her… and that’s what she didn’t like. You know, relationships necessarily having more than one party involved and all that. :/

    And yes, she was a feminist… obviously beyond reproach. The dialogue would be “you do this, you do that” and “men are like this, men are like that”. I regularly pointed out how not everything was an issue of what sex people are and that there are quite probably other explanations for people’s behaviors, but it was met with deaf ears. Honestly, I’d prefer to talk to someone who’s a self confessed sexist or racist than someone who pretends to be for equality and inclusiveness and then stabs people in the back. At least then you know there’s an element of self honesty going on.

    Now, I’ll never suggest I’m an example of a perfect partner, so I could always make improvements in my own behavior, but I sure as hell won’t admit that my biology is the most influential factor in my life. And I will never stop trying to identify the real motivations behind someone’s actions (including my own) because just so gosh darn interesting! But these insights are threatening to someone who’s beliefs are inflexible… and it seems that even threatening a belief (with reason and logic) is oppressive to feminists. :/ Obviously not a very inclusive ideology at all.

    I brought up the topic of the Bill Nye vs Ken Ham Evolution vs Creationism debate to see what the response would be. I indicated that polls showed that Nye was the winner by a whopping 92%. Her response? “Well, if you’re going with the EVIDENCE then that’s going to be the obvious winner” *smirk*

    What the hell ELSE do you go with woman?! Ideas don’t gain credibility through popularity contests or how many friends you can have support your poor me attitude.

    *deep breath*

    So we don’t talk about religion anymore either.

    I am wondering if there is a meaningful correlation between feminism and environmentalism? (Psychologically/philosophically speaking – in terms of their ideology). It seems to me that feminists consider all MEN to be evil, and environmentalists consider all HUMANS to be evil (except themselves of course).

    Just some morning musings…

    ~ Rusty

    • johnsalmon86 says:

      Thanks Rusty,

      I don’t really know much about environmentalism, but I’ll take your word for it, sounds like a good bit of research needs to be done!

      From my experience, feminism loves evidence, just as long as its evidence that matches their side of an argument, otherwise it doesn’t count.

      Luckily I’ve not been in many relationships so have yet to experience a completely irrational woman in one, but give it time, I’m still (fairly) young!

  2. Anon says:

    I agree with you, I know soooo many girls who get so drunk they can’t remember anything so I’m surprised nothing that they know of has happened to them yet. I myself do not get to that point. I do believe that everyone should maintain personal responsibility at all times, not be stupid and expect that everything will be ok.

    • johnsalmon86 says:

      I’ve seen, from my time at Uni (both times), both men and women get absolutely plastered, yet we still seem to hold men to a higher level of responsibility than women when it comes to drunken sex. I think I you’re both drunk and both consent, then one party regrets it; tough luck. That’s massively different from a sober man taking advantage of a drunken woman, or vice versa.

  3. Lucy says:

    I found this article via a Google search for “parents mollycoddling memes”. The first picture you posted here popped up, right next one of a Docle and Gabbana ad showing a guy pinning down a woman wearing a swimsuit with a group of men watching (I’ve saved it, so happy to send it to you). I had to smile at the irony! So, I followed the image and read your article.

    I’m a “feminist”, and I’m sorry that you’ve only experienced “extreme” feminism. “Feminism” for me is about equality. I believe that good dad’s have equal rights to custody over their children and that women should be paid equal to their male counterparts (as is relevant to their skills and experience). That parents should be able to choose who stays home once their baby is born on parental leave.

    Parents do have a responsibility to their children, male or female, to teach them to respect everybody, to teach them what’s right and wrong, and that yes, there may be a time that they will need to protect themselves.

    Everyone should be taught to respect alcohol, and to not get into such a state that (regardless of sex) they don’t know what they’re doing. For their own safety, not just because they might get raped, but because they could OD, or get run over, or get into fatal fights.

    But that said, there’s a much deeper issue here, which brings me back to the D&G image I described. What kinds of messages do children and adults receive everyday that influence this whole debate, and whose responsibility is it to fight for the “right” message? And what is the right message?

    • johnsalmon86 says:

      Lucy, thanks for your reply. Unfortunately, it’s not just the ‘extreme’ feminists I have problems with. This article was written only 3 months or so after I started this blog so my experiences with feminism are much more developed than they were 18 months ago.

      I don’t disagree with your points, at all. I’m not critical of feminism as a theory, nor am I critical of each individual feminist, but feminism as whole has become poisonous. I’m afraid the number of ‘good’ feminists is being swallowed up by the number of entitled, hypocritical whiney little twats that seem to pen article after article that stir up hatred and division.

      What you’ve said is on point, and I thank you for being rational and polite, but unfortunately what you’ve said has already been pounced upon by feminists, and not the ‘radicals’ either. To even suggest a woman might want to drink in moderation and be aware of surroundings is enough to raise cries of rape apology and misogyny.

      As for the Dolce and Gabana picture, I find it funny that you’ve managed to find the one picture that caused so much outrage, yet weren’t able to find other pictures of a similar nature, with men in positions of servitude, that throw up equally as valid issues.

      If you’re interested, about three months before writing this blog I wrote one on the very picture you mentioned. You can find it here:

      https://johnsalmonsworld.wordpress.com/2013/11/24/dolce-and-gabbana-they-love-a-bit-of-gang-rape/

      Feel free to read other articles on this page. It’s no secret I like open discussions, I don’t claim to be the gospel, just an everyday man with some everyday views.

      Peace

      JS

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