Gender violence: Round and round and round we go.

Posted: December 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

And so we go, round and round and round again. It’s Christmas and here I am, sat at my computer writing another blog about gender violence. I am now moving away from the ‘domestic violence’ tag because this is now becoming such a prevalent issue that it transcends the boundaries of relationships. Obviously, domestic violence is still a big part of it, and will make a big part of this blog entry, but gender violence is now becoming such a big part of society that it does it a disservice to only stick to that abuse that happens in relationships.

I will state here, once again, just in case people haven’t read previous blogs, I am completely against any form of violence, from a man towards a woman, a man towards a man, a woman towards a woman or, especially as this blog demonstrates, a woman towards a man. That’s why I use the term ‘gender violence’ instead of domestic violence’. It would seem that, in all the years we spent deploring men who hit women, demonising men who hit women, all the work done to highlight the issue of domestic violence, and violence in general, against women and try to reduce it we’ve forgotten to address one very important thing – female violence towards men.

This isn’t the first entry I’ve written on the idea of violence towards men, but the fact I have to keep writing blog entries on it is slightly worrying. Every time I write an entry I think we’re making progress, every time I see something that seems to condemn female violence towards men I think we’re making progress. Then I see something that puts me firmly back at square one. I wrote in a previous blog how there are 3 domestic violence campaigns currently running that present women solely as victims and men solely as aggressors. We get this one sided, biased view of domestic violence, to the point that, for most people, female violence towards males doesn’t even exist, or exists at such a small fraction of the regularity of male violence towards women as not to be worth mentioning.

Well, I found two more adverts all about gender violence and, surprise surprise, they both present women as victims and men as aggressors. That, so far, equals five campaigns, mass media campaigns, that show men solely as aggressors and women solely as victims. Is it any wonder that people think the issue is so skewed? Yes, there are videos on the internet that highlight the mass double standard of gender violence, but how many people are going to see them, really? I mean, they may get 2 or 3 million views on Youtube or Daily Motion or whatever, but the campaigns on TV are shown during programmes that regularly pull in 8/9/10+ million viewers. It really is no wonder that we have such a limited view of gender violence when we are only ever presented with one side, when numerous studies, from reputable sources, show that gender violence, especially in relationships, is on a very even footing.

The campaigns in question, both British and both seen regularly on TV: 

Both aimed at young people, both portraying women as victims and men as abusers. I have no problem with highlighting the issues faced by young people (operative word being people), but campaigns like this, while well-meaning, are extremely damaging to young men. It would appear that every domestic violence campaign is determined to paint them as the aggressors, determine to tell them they’re just one minute away from being an abusing piece of shit. When you’re constantly telling young men that they are monsters, constantly telling young men that the majority of societal problems are down to them, constantly telling young men that they need to change their ways, is it really surprising that they become disillusioned? Is it surprising they fail at school? Is it surprising they get into trouble with the law? By showing no appreciation or acknowledgement of the troubles they go through, by showing no compassion to the struggles they face, by using buzzwords like ‘patriarchy’ and ‘privilege’ to somehow justify the constant demonization we are telling our young men that their lives are worth nothing, that they are worth nothing.

And by not showing an appreciation of the troubles men go through, particularly in the case of domestic violence, we breed a culture of violent women who believe they can throw their weight around without fear of repercussion, we breed a culture of women, both young and old, who believe that violence towards men is not only accepted, but promoted and justified, because men deserve it. Even those men who don’t deserve it for anything they’ve done themselves, deserve being hit because men, generally as a sex, are scum. Natalie Portman’s ridiculously short-sighted comments about her slap in Thor 2 attests to that. When women think they can abuse one man as retribution for some perceived ills that other men have committed it proves there is something wrong with our society.

As I said in a previous blog when I addressed Portman’s ignorant, crass comments I have been rejected by women, I have been badly treated by women, but in no way, not now nor ever, does that justify me slapping a random woman as retribution for the ills I have faced.

The problem is, the people who do see through this facade, the people who do realise that we have bred a culture of violent women who believe themselves to be untouchable, are such a small minority that the mass population will continue to believe the messages we’re force-fed on TV. There are people out there who see the inherent hypocrisy in the way we view gender violence these days, but even when that section of society makes their voices heard, as with the recent Avon for Women domestic violence campaign, they are shot down with some unbelievably ignorant comments (see the blog Domestic Violence: The War Rages On for Avon’s response). Until that voice becomes the majority we will continue to be invisible to the masses.

Often, online, I see the argument ‘what has that got to do with feminism’. It’s a defence used by feminists to try and reframe an argument, to deflect attention away from the issue being discussed and onto something else. Yes, domestic violence happens towards men, but what has that got to do with feminism, yes, men get raped but what has the got to do with feminism, yes, some women falsely accuse men of rape but what’s that got to do with feminism?

 It’s got everything to do with feminism. It’s feminism that allows this culture to continue. It’s programmes like Loose Women and BBC Radio 4’s Women’s Hour that perpetuates these myths, it’s programmes like that that endorse the campaigns we see every day, that buy into the propaganda that the majority of men commit domestic violence. It’s people like that that are so blind, or so unwilling, to see the truth that they don’t realise the damage they are causing. It’s the fact that programmes like Loose Women are absolutely dripping with misandry, wrapped up in the lovely, comforting bubble of women’s talk, that allows men to think they are the problem, to think that the suffering they go through is somehow deserved, that no matter what the woman did to start the violence they are automatically a lesser human being for retaliating.

I present you this picture, and if this doesn’t make your blood boil then you are part of the problem:

But, you argue, those women might not be feminists! That’s precisely the point. By not speaking out against these vile, one-sided campaigns, by not raising a voice, by endorsing and accepting the misleading ‘facts’ that state women are always the victim and men are always the abuser you further the idea that women are beyond reproach. You feed the victim mentality, you allow it to thrive, you convince women that, no matter what, they are not to blame, that the man must have deserved it.

Patrick Stewart once gave a speech where he stated police were always asking his mum what she did to his dad to make him hit her. He ended by saying there’s never a reason to hit a woman or something to that effect. That’s actually a statement I disagree with, there are plenty of reasons to hit a woman, same as there are plenty of reasons to hit a man. Having a reason to do something isn’t justification enough to actually do it, though. That’s the difference. There are plenty of reasons to do things, it’s whether or not we decide to act on those reasons that decide the outcome of the situation.

What that picture so wonderfully demonstrates is the outright hypocrisy that feminism breeds when it comes to domestic violence. There’s never a good enough reason to hit a woman, but if a woman hits a man well then if a man ACTUALLY gets a girl THAT MAD, he’s just as much of a blame. Woeful lack of grammatical accuracy aside, this is the kind of woman we have bred. Cassandra admits she caused some serious damage (made his face swollen and fucked up his jaw) and yet instead of condemning her, as they surely would were Cassandra a man, they actively endorse what she did, justify it by convincing her he had it coming. Never a good enough reason to hit a woman, but, Goddamn, if a man rubs you the wrong way just fuck his jaw up and he’ll soon learn.

If reading that conversation doesn’t make your blood boil then, yes, you are part of them problem. In fact, you aren’t just part of the problem, you are the problem. As with anything, reverse the genders and see how acceptable it would be for a group of men to try and justify their friend fucking up his girlfriend’s jaw. Can you imagine that playing out very well? If you can’t, well, welcome to the world I live in. Welcome to the world I inhabit that constantly allows women to get away with the most violent of things because we are so busy ‘educating’ young men that we completely forget the other half of the population.

But what’s this got to do with feminism? Because feminists actively decide to suppress that statistics that show how prevalent this is, because women will automatically believe any propaganda that shows them to be the victims, because companies are not willing to adjust their one-sided campaigns despite the protestations of people who know the truth. Feminists claim they don’t hate men, well they have a funny way of showing it. They claim they are for men’s rights too. Well, they have a funny way of showing it. No, feminists, you are not for men’s rights! You are for anything that allows you to maintain your stranglehold on the victim culture you love to embrace. You are not for men’s rights, the only time you are for men’s anything is when you present them as monsters that you can re-mold in your image, monsters that you can manipulate, shame into being the version of them that you want them to be. You decry masculinity; demonise male strength and virtues of maleness, tell us we’re privileged and that we benefit from a system that caters to our every demand.

You are not for men’s rights; I barely think you are for women’s rights. You’re poison. You further your own rotten cause only as it benefits you, not as it benefits society as a whole. You want to free women, yet shame those who don’t conform to your ideals, you present men as monsters yet fail to condemn the women that commit the crimes you hate. You ignore the truth about issues like domestic violence, you allow women to feel like the victims, you actively endorse the idea of women as victims, you insult the very people you claim to help and, in doing so, allow the one-sided promotion of gender violence to continue.

We are constantly told violence against women is wrong. We have numerous ad campaigns that show women as solely the victims, and men as solely the aggressors. By not rectifying this damaging trend we allow women, like Cassandra, to go around thinking they aren’t to blame when they physically assault a man. We allow people like Chelsea, Megan, Fanny and Zoe to truly believe they can justify the violence, we allow them to think that a man being hit deserved it, we allow them to switch a situation to make the abuser out to be the victim, and we breed a society in which that abuser readily accepts all the excuses and believes that they are, in fact, the victim and were pushed beyond their merits. I have one wish, that for every time we see something like the conversation above we are able to reverse the genders and ask ourselves the question is it ok if it was the other way round? If the answer is no, then you might finally begin to realise the problem.

Feminism, get your head out of the sand (or your arses, whichever is more fitting) and see the real problems. Actually start acting on your ideological promise of equality for all. Stop your poisonous demonization of men; stop your poisonous victimisation of women. Until then, you will always have an enemy in me. And, trust me, I’m not alone.

Merry Christmas.

  1. ayamsirias says:

    You forgot to mention how if a partner is in an abusive relationship, they always have the power to choose to leave. This is a decision that is overlooked a lot especially when the woman finally kills the husband. Killers of husbands are often called the victim because of the abuse they had put up with, but few people forget to ask why she didn’t leave. You can’t justify murder just because you refused to walk out the door.

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