If I’m not anti-feminist, what am I?

Posted: October 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

If I’m not an anti-feminist, am I an MRA?

 

A couple of weeks ago I posted what quickly became my most popular blog entry – why I’m not a feminist and why I’m writing this blog anonymously. It was a fairly long entry and I still don’t think it covers every reason for me holding the beliefs I do. But another blog expanding on that is for another day.

This blog will talk about another movement that I can’t quite place myself into – The Men’s Rights Movement. If I don’t actively label myself as an anti-feminist due to the associations inherent within the wording, do I label myself as an MRA (Men’s Rights Activist)?

The short answer is no. While I do agree with a lot of what is said by people who are part of the Men’s Rights Movement, and trust me, there’s a lot of good people and a lot of good work being done, I find it hard to identify myself as one. If I could explain the reasons in any great detail, or with any deal of clarity I would, but, unlike my reasons for disliking modern feminism, which are numerous, I can’t seem to put my finger on this one.

Like I said, there are a lot of positives out there. One thing I need to be thankful for is that there is actually a Men’s Rights movement at all. That is easy to explain. When I was 18 I went to University, as a lot of people do. When I was 19 I was in WHSmiths (A stationery shop for those outside the UK) and saw loads of merchandise with things like “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them” and other unsavoury phrases. It was possibly the first time I really became aware that there was an undercurrent of sexism towards men in mainstream UK culture. The trouble was, at that time I had no idea how bad it was, I knew there was something that bothered me, something, for ages afterwards, that was just gnawing away at me inside, but I just couldn’t figure it out. What I do know is that it bothered me so much that I started writing about it. When I was 19, before I really knew what blogging was (don’t forget, I was 19 in 2005, so the internet was still very much in its infancy, even then), I started writing what I now think are pretty much blogs. But I was writing them on Word and just saving them to my PC. My dream when I was 19 was to become a writer (something I still dream about), so I figured this would be a good way to get started. I never actually finished my entry, as was par for the course with most of my entries, but I did make a start. Here is what I wrote when I was 19:

 

“I have a question. Why is sexism towards men became such a big hit in the media lately? It seems that grouping all men in the same category, blaming us for everything, encouraging violence towards us and generally laughing at our expense has become the new craze.

                I mean I was in WH Smiths today and I saw a ring binder (or whatever they’re called) that read, “boys are stupid, throw rocks at them” and “boys smell.” now if I were to say that about a girl I would be lynched. Some people would just tell me to lighten up…”

 

I put the ellipsis in there just to show where my entry ends. As you can see, I didn’t get very far. I can’t remember the exact reason, but I have an idea. Sometimes, when I’m writing, and this is something that happens with the entries in this very blog you’re reading, I get halfway through a sentence, stop, re-read it, decided I don’t like it, save what I have, exit the document and then go and do something else. More often than not, I’ll come back and finish what I started. Obviously I didn’t here.

The point is, I knew there was something wrong, I knew I felt something, I just didn’t know what. It was something that didn’t sit right, and in the years since (and I’m pretty sure the more time I spend amongst like-minded people, the more I realise I always knew something felt off) that feeling of uncertainty has increased. It got to the point that I thought I was alone. I thought I hated women, that because I disagreed with the media, the newspapers, magazines, TV shows, the news programmes, my friends, teachers, work colleagues and 90% of the general public I was somehow part of the problem. It was an incredibly difficult life to live. Silently rolling my eyes every time someone rolled out the 1 in 4 rape statistic, or every time a murderer on CSI turned out to be a woman who had a sob story, or the male body being laughed at was the only thing I could do. I couldn’t talk to anybody, I couldn’t raise my views, I couldn’t disagree in public because that would make me a douchebag.

But then, slowly but surely I began to see I wasn’t alone, and I have the internet to thank for that. I found the page Exposing Feminism on Facebook, looked through a few pages and had what can only be described as the biggest epiphany I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t alone after all, other people shared my views and, perhaps best of all, there were reasons for those views to be had. It wasn’t just me refusing to accept my privilege and being an oppressive twat. I have a lot to thank Exposing Feminism for, it was through them that I found other sites, other people that had taken the metaphorical pill and had their eyes opened. It was because of Facebook that I started this blog, finally I had somewhere I could vent and write what I wanted to write. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs how I’m currently hiding behind a veil of secrecy due to the nature of my job and the incendiary nature of my views, but what starting this blog, and being on Facebook has done has allowed me to have a little bit of confidence that I’m not an arsehole, I’m just someone who sees things that are unfair and wants to bring a little bit of attention to.

I have a lot to thank the MRM for, I have a lot to thank Facebook for, and I hope people don’t think I’m a brown noser, people like GirlWritesWhat, TyphonBlue, The Amazing Athiest, Prentice Reid, Liz Guerrero, Dawn Cardiff, Tanis McCalla and Jochen Zeige who have all just confirmed what I already knew – there is need for a Men’s Rights Movement.

So, if I have a lot to thank the movement for, why do I not identify myself as an MRA? Again, it’s hard to explain, but I’ll try. I mentioned in a previous blog that I don’t identify as an anti-feminist because I think that label has a certain stigma attached to it – that if you’re anti-feminist you’re automatically anti-woman. It’s this kind of ignorance that means if you admit you’re an anti-feminist it doesn’t matter what you say, people automatically dismiss your opinions as the ravings of a misogynistic arsehole. The trouble is, it’s an ignorant point of view that is shared by a lot of people. I feel the same way about being an MRA. A post on Facebook might have finally lead me to an answer:

“I have a problem with some of these anti-feminist pages……….I’m not sure if you’re against the ideology or if it’s just about making fun of people who are overweight or not pretty. I don’t see how poking fun/being mean to people for how they look has anything to do with the ideology??”

That was a question posed by John Mangina Doe on Facebook yesterday. A lot of feminist pages on Facebook are actually anti-male, despite their frequent, vocal, claims to the contrary. They claim to be feminist, they claim to be for equal rights, yet they post statuses, photos and videos that are a constant source of one-upmanship, constantly belittling men to empower women, constantly reminding us how women want to be equal by posting pictures of how women are actually superior. I feel this way about some MRA sites. Whenever a hypocritical feminist status or picture is shared or highlighted on Facebook there’s, inevitably, some moron who comes in and makes a derogatory comment that does absolutely nothing to help the cause at all.

It’s possibly for this reason I don’t identify myself as an MRA. For every 5 people who are thoughtful, intelligent, well rounded and insightful in their posting, there’s 1 absolute fuckwit whose only desire is to demonstrate how short-sighted they really are, one fuckwit who goes over to the feminist pages in question and, instead of highlighting their hypocrisy in a way that is irrefutable and damaging to feminism, wades in with exactly the sort of response the feminists want. The sort of post a feminist can cherry pick and re-post as a fine example of the misogyny they have to face on a daily basis. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. We claim to be better than the feminists, we claim to want to expose their lies and hypocrisy, we claim to want to make the world truly equal, but there’s always one loud mouth arsehole that doesn’t understand this and thinks the best way to respond is to abuse and insult, the very thing the feminists are absolutely desperate for. By doing this, we play right into their grubby, rotten hands.

I don’t know what I identify as. I really don’t. I want equality, I want equal rights. I believe, to a very large degree, western society already has that. Sure there are problems, what society throughout history hasn’t had problems, but I don’t believe they are problems that feminism is the cure for. I don’t think feminism is a cure for anything. I think it’s a disease. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I think the MRM is the cure. There are bad eggs in the MRM that, I think, hinder the movement’s progression. Men’s Rights have enough of a fight convincing the western world they have a cause worth fighting for, the last thing we need is people within our own ranks fucking that up for us.

Sure, there are dipshit feminists out there whose anti-male rhetoric and bias is clear for all to see, but unfortunately they have a much larger platform already established in society. A platform that is already so ingrained that a feminist can spout her anti-male bile and people will pretty much accept it anyway. The MRM doesn’t have that luxury. Yet.

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Comments
  1. Bretto says:

    Thank you John for another excellent article! I have found myself in the exact same dilemma and expressed the same concern. I choose not to adhere to any labels because all of my opinions are unique, I live by my own merits and I don’t want to be tarred with the same brush as those who choose to make bad examples of themselves.

    I’m flattered for the mention of the page, and equally excited that I reached you and inspired you to blog. I lack your ability with words so I truly appreciate what you do.

    I’m looking forward to more great articles! Thank you!

  2. Mark Neil says:

    I understand exactly where you’re coming from, and was there for a long time myself (and hope to be again in the future). The reason I changed was because I realized that feminism had a lot of useful idiots backing them, and those numbers play a significant role in pushing their agendas. I feel, at least for the moment, that the men’s movement likewise needs numbers. Unfortunately, that means useful idiots on the men’s side too. My expectation is that the men’s movement will grow, feminism will shrink until they are about equal size, and then both will begin to shrink and fade as the movements both become bogged down in extremism**, and true egalitarianism takes root, while the two extremist groups keep each other in check. As things come to this, I will gladly shed the label of MRA. But for now, I feel my voice needs to be counted among them.

    **I recently read something that stuck with me: “the mainstream ideas of first wave feminism became law, and the radical notions of first wave feminists became the mainstream ideas of second wave feminism. The mainstream ideas of second wave feminism then became law and the radical notions of second wave feminism became the mainstream ideas of third way. Now the mainstream of third wave feminism are becoming law and the radical ideas of third wave feminism will become the mainstream of forth wave feminism,,.”. It is my assertion that feminism has already become an extremist group, and as the anger and resentment men feel (justified or not) grows, and fails to get properly channeled, the more extreme the men’s movement will become. At this time, the anger and resentment against government and feminism are fully justified, but (hopefully) there will come a time when it isn’t so, and the extremists will keep shouting and demanding more (just as feminism did). At that time, it will be time to leave the movement, and let both MRAs and feminist fade away like the KKK (IE, they will never be gone. They offer to easy answers for some. but they can become irrelevant).

  3. johnsalmon86 says:

    Thanks for the support, gents. Every day I find myself changing my opinion on who I am, what I stand for and where my loyalties lie. I don’t think this will be the last entry talking about my own personal beliefs.

  4. marxantimisandry says:

    Perhaps you’re simply antimisandry?

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